It is truly 'N credible that 'N Sync manages to attract the 'N terest of millions. If the little teeny-bopper 'N fidels had any sense, they'd ignore 'N Sync altogether and be die-hard Backstreet Boys fans.
The fact is, the Backstreet Boys make 'N Sync look like walking scrambled eggs when it comes to appearance. The lasagna-haired Justin Timberlake and the one-time pineapple-dreadlock-head Chris Kirkpatrick are reason enough not to buy the latest 'N Sync album, "No Strings Attached." But then again, nobody really needs a reason to pass up the fabricated fivesome.
What is necessary, however, are reasons to buy the album. Sadly, there is no such beast. But let's not cry over spilled sell-out juice.
Instead, let us explore all of the reasons to avoid 'N Sync and its chocolate-covered musical pop tarts.
For starters, there's "Space Cowboy," an abominably futuristic ditty pitting gap-toothed wonder-boy JC Chasez against a fuzz-funk synthesizer. The winner? Anyone who didn't buy "No Strings Attached." Chasez flies out of the gate with expected lyrical nonsense: "Everybody's talkin' bout Jerusalem." Interesting, isn't it, that JC sings about Jerusalem? Hidden religious propaganda you say? Doubtful. 'N Sync possesses neither the skill nor creative freedom to write songs about anything other than getting down and losing love - presumably, the getting down went too far, leading to temporary love that was lost once the tour bus headed to the next city.
"Digital Get Down" is Y2K compliant, presenting the must-have topic of Internet chatting. The trivialities continue to pour out: "You may be 20,000 miles away/ but I can see ya/ and baby, baby you can see me." Excuse me, 'N Sync, but not everybody has a digital videocamera and a high-speed Internet connection. We'll stick to Instant Messenger, thank you very much.
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The vocals of "Digital" are toyed with electronically, reminiscent of Cher's "Believe." It is ironic how a group can mock itself by using the least advanced elements of electronic advancement.
A change-up from the pseudo-block-rockin' banter is the Richard Marx written and arranged "This I Promise You." Yes, this is the same Richard Marx whose smash hit, "I Will be Right Here Waiting For You" climbed the charts and placed Marx among the one-hit wonder millionaires. If only 'N Sync were one-hit wonders too.
A boy band guitar line is prominent throughout (recommended if you like "I Want it That Way"), as are chorused singing and proclamations of devotion. If it existed, the "Richard Marx trademark sound" could be clearly heard here, minus the novelty Marx fed off of in the 1980s during soft rock's moment.
The title track opens vigorously, abusing techno hits from two-bit keyboards to flush out an ambient electro-string line. Miraculously, 'N Sync is able to make every upbeat song sound the same by having the instrumentation play second fiddle to the group vocals; vocals which lack dynamic shifts of any kind -- remaining static with respect to volume, yielding a repetitively arena-ready texture.
The only relative bright spot is "Bye Bye Bye," the first single from "Strings." A string arrangement lasts for nine seconds at the beginning of the disc, just long enough to give listeners a reason to finally use the Intro function on their CD players. Shortly thereafter, 'N is fully immersed in another watered down "Tearin' Up My Heart" (the best boy band song in the history of boy bands), which makes use of echoing bye byes and computerized bleeps.
'N deed, the boys of 'N Sync are not to blame for their sacrilegious acts of "music." They are a commercial construct, one of which most almost-grown-men would kill to be a part. So instead of complaining about how horrible they are, revel in the fact that so far the album has only resulted in one video, and that you're not the one who sat through "Strings" three times to write this review.
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