Dear Dockter Duval,
Here's the deal - I've been dating this girl for about three years and we're both finally graduating. I really like her a lot, but we are both doing yearlong programs in different cities. She's going to be in Boston while I will be in New York. I really think she's something special, but the distance seems like it might be too much to handle. Do you think we should just let go now when it's easier?
Sincerely,
Wary about the Future
Dear Wary about the Future,
I would be lying if I said anything other than the fact that it is extremely difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship. Day-to-day interaction speaks for a lot, and there inevitably will be a small gap that grows between you just because of the lack of contact. Even with an endless string of e-mails and phone calls, not only is the contact less personal, but also frustrating because it is a constant reminder of the separation.
However, I believe that if there is a real friendship between the two of you, the prospect of distance should not cause you to end things prematurely. Sure, it's difficult to be apart, but with a lot of communication and trust, the friendship can surely be maintained. Unless you feel as though you need the physical contact as a constant reminder of someone's affection for you, staying close to this girl will be difficult but completely worth it if you feel as though you guys share something special.
I think it is best to take things day by day and enjoy what you have when you do - if things don't work then so be it, but in the mean time, celebrate what you do have instead of worrying about what you might not down the road.
Dear Dockter Duval,
I really want to take a year off from school and travel around a bit, but my parents want me to take a job and start working right away. They are concerned that after a year I might not be able to find jobs as easily or that companies will not want to hire me. What do you think?
Sincerely,
Worn out from School
Dear Worn Out from School,
I understand your parents' concern about you finding a job, but obviously they are just worried about the security and structure of their child's life. They probably have images of you coming home from your travels and having to live at home, which they'd probably enjoy, but not when you're 35 and still doing temp work down the street.
Luckily for them, these images will never be a reality. Taking a year off will not have any lasting negative effects on your job search, career or anything else for that matter. Many times people who take time off come back from their travels refreshed and more well-equipped with a broader perspective on life. As for it being more difficult to find a job after a year away, I wouldn't worry too much. Even though you may not have the same resources that undergraduates at the University have, if you keep a record of the jobs and companies in which you are interested, you can contact them when you return. Your resume will not have changed and they will see you as the same qualified candidate that you were before you left. Besides, you've got the rest of your life to work - what's the rush to jump right into the mix if you're feeling a bit worn down? Take a step back, relax and enjoy life because you only get one chance.
To the Graduating Class of 2000,
At this point we have looked back at the time in college and also forward at what is to come. What else is left?
Well, there are always the few lost souls that cannot really move forward, yet they are finished with school and left in a confused state. Come on, I know all of you have seen them, still wearing those orange U.Va. hats in their early 30s hanging out at the Greenskeeper on weeknights. There is nothing wrong with remembering old times, but trying to relive them many years later is kind of pathetic. In order to prevent against this state of affairs, here is a little something to keep you in check.
Top signs that you need to get out of the college mentality and transition out of University life.
1. You and the loud guy at littlejohns are on a first name basis
2. You try to pay your mortgage with plus dollars.
3. Bow ties begin to look fashionable.
4. You correct people when they do not speak of Mr. Jefferson in the present tense.
5. When you don't get a job, you try to course action into it.
6. You think, hey, I'm actually beginning to like those black stretch pants.
7. You've been to so many outdoor barbecues that your lungs are black.
8. When you see a bunch of guys in ties you wonder where the football game is.
9. You think, wow, this bus stop is getting more diverse.
10. You streak your front lawn just for kicks.
11. Your family vacations revolve around historic tours of the lawn.
12. Capri pants start to seem like functional wardrobe items.
13. You spend your free time at the Greenskeeper shooting pool.
14. You are that one person a week who plays those stupid video games at the end of the bar.
15. You've kissed Homer's butt more times than your spouse within the last month.
I also would like to extend my most sincere and sympathetic feelings to all of you for having to be the graduating class that is forever linked with the phrase Y2K. I wonder if there has ever been a more overused word, or abbreviation that was able to strike a nerve of annoyance and discomfort in all of us.
However, whereas the rest of humanity will scoff at the idea that this year is anything aside from ordinary, at least all of you can point to graduation as at least a somewhat scintillating moment in this over-hyped year.
Before I forget, I would like to also say congratulations for getting through the small journey called college. It is truly fascinating to think of how each person has found his or her own intricately distinct path to end up at the same goal. Hopefully, college has been a time where all of you have had the chance not only to bolster your resumes, but to improve the content of your character. Sometimes in this structured world of academia where students are classified by their GPAs and standardized test scores, it is important to realize that these are not the types of superficial traits that truly define us as individuals. Since it is so easy to lose one's focus during these years, I commend all of you that have, and encourage the rest of you, to take the time and energy to explore the minds and souls of yourselves and those around you.
Okay, enough reflection, let's approach a more horrifying topic to compliment the chipper mood that all of you are in from graduation.
I believe that quite possibly the most disheartening things I've heard was when one of my former bosses told me that college was by far the best time of his life because afterwards he had to settle down and really "get going with his life." The problem with this mentality is the assumption that career and settling down are all too often synonymous with being productive and "getting going with your life." I do not understand the rush behind growing up, establishing a career and sacrificing time at a young age to solidify an investment portfolio. It is not so much that I expect everyone to wander aimlessly for years, but more so that I fear some people will be victimized by the doldrums of mundane repetition - because this tedium sometimes falls in line with what society sees as successful.
One thing to consider is that life is unpredictable and should not be lived in segments where people work hard five days a week to play hard on the weekends, or rather 50 weeks a year just for those two weeks of paid vacation time. Leisure should not be squeezed in only when work ceases, and happiness should not cease when work begins. I guess in the same way that college is not solely about graduating, working should not be about retiring or the final bank statement. It is the process and effort in between that makes the culmination of it all that much more rewarding.
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