Pete Gillen's brief two-year stint as Virginia men's basketball coach is a cheesy Matthew Perry romantic comedy waiting to be made.
Cavalier fans provide the romance: They're drool-all-over-themselves smitten with the Ÿber-energetic general. And what's not to love? Over the course of 24 months, Gillen has taken a program with both high-tops in the grave and resuscitated it - predominantly with players he didn't recruit, or even know, before his arrival.
Gillen himself provides the comedy. Funny would be an understatement. The man is side-splitting hilarious. This is a fellow who once proudly deprecated himself as "no oil painting," who ribbed that when he was a wee tyke, his mom told him he was so ugly he must lock himself in a closet until he grew a beard.
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The convoluted details read something like this:
Camara, a would-be Wildcat junior, native to Senegal, found himself behind bars last week after flunking a field sobriety test administered to determine whether DUI is applicable. The police argue it is. The Camara corner disputes that claim.
Lexington's finest insist he failed a pair of tests, while Camara contends a single test was ordered, with the results inconclusive.
The story gets juicier.
Following the alcohol-induced car crash that killed a Wildcat football player in 1999, the Kentucky athletic department now invokes a no-tolerance policy as it relates to substance abuse and criminal behavior. One strike and you're out.
Without thinking twice, Camara pleaded innocent. Then he realized that should a guilty verdict be issued, he would no longer find himself a Kentucky Wildcat. That's when whispers of the t-word tabooed in college-coaching circles first became audible: transfer. According to Steve Smith, Camara's former high school coach at Oak Hill Academy, switching schools was a distinct possibility, and "Virginia would be a place the people around him would consider."
The people around him? Oh boy. This is sounding less and less like a kid with a couple of beers and more and more like a scene from "The Untouchables."
But wait.
Rumors now abound that an unnamed man in an unidentified vehicle drove from Charlottesville to Lexington Thursday to pick up Camara and zoom him back to the land of Jefferson. Camara would then enroll in classes, making him eligible to suit up for the Cavaliers in 2001-2002.
Camara never got in the car - at least that's the latest scuttlebutt. According to reports, Kentucky coach Tubby Smith slipped into his best used-car-salesman suit and implored Camara to stay put. Apparently it worked, as Smith announced Saturday Camara would not leave, though sources close to the player say his decision may not be final.
Hopefully Camara's cryptic saga is little more than seventh-grade gossip. If so, it gives us another reason to distrust the Internet. If true, it's another somber statement about the underbelly of college athletics. Either way, Martin Scorcese would be proud.
Here's where Gillen comes in. For the first time since he made University Hall his home, he has a decision to make - a decision with both athletic and ethical ramifications.
If he accepts Camara, here's what he gets: a 6-foot-11 gem of a basketball player with anaconda arms, pogo-stick legs and an upside larger than Jerry Krause's backside. He also gets plenty of questions and a pinch of controversy tossed his way.
Forget about whether Camara is guilty or innocent. This is about something far more significant than 50 hours of community service. This is about a program's image. Jules Camara may be a jewel of an athlete, but nobody conjures up images of Camara swatting a shot to halfcourt anymore. They think of the sobriety-test soap opera.
Last January, Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis faced a double-murder charge of which he was later acquitted. Lewis has returned to the Ravens and to his all-pro form, but something tells me America remembers Lewis for something more than the bone-crushing hits he doles out on Sunday.
Do you honestly think of Hertz Rental Car commercials when O.J.'s name pops up in conversation? Didn't think so.
The Virginia basketball program endured far too many black eyes over the past decade to suffer another one.
Virginia's 1996 recruiting class - its most ballyhooed in years - unraveled when all four members, Courtney Alexander, Scott Johnson, Daryl Pressley and Melvin Whitaker, were arrested for various offenses. Just last fall, the NCAA stripped the Cavs of a scholarship for rules violations. The last thing Gillen needs are nosy columnists like me bringing up such forgettable incidents the moment Camara sets foot on grounds.
The decision is clear: Vote Jules Camara off the island, er ... the Lawn.