So my friends and I go out to Rugby ... I drink, I get a buzz, I dance with some random fellow (though one that I'd still find attractive if I were sober), we hook up against the back wall in some frat and never speak again. But what's the protocol if we see each other in the daylight? Am I a moron if I approach him? Is it better if I turn my head and avert my gaze?
Sincerely,
Not sure
Dear Not sure,
Well, I think it's basically a matter of whether or not you want to talk to him again. If you'd rather just forget about the entire incident or don't want to make a big deal out of it, then it shouldn't be a problem if you turn your head away when you see him next. Although I don't want be too presumptuous, considering my inexperience with "back of the frat house" hookups, I don't think this guy is going to be too hurt if you avoid him. On the contrary, if you feel like having a short chat during a daylight encounter, then I don't see why you shouldn't do so.
The only thing to consider is whether or not you'll have much to talk about other than the latest dance steps you learned, when the next party is going to be or a dark alley you discovered that might be a nice place to hook up. It's not as if there is some standard of conduct that you need to abide by, especially considering the fact that one-night hookups are not exactly interactions based on open communication and expectations for further reciprocity. After all, there's a reason you guys are making out in a dark corner of a grungy frat house rather then sharing life stories over a cup of coffee. Either way, it does not seem as though you had a huge emotional bonding session, which means that your actions from this point on are basically up to you.
Dear Dockter Duval,
If I hook up with a "brother" from a particular frat, but leave before he gets what he wants, am I allowed to use his name when I try to get into the frat for a party a week or more later? What's the statute of limitations on a hook up?
Sincerely,
Hopelessly A First Year
Dear Hopelessly A First Year,
The only problem with trying to use his name to get into a party is that either the guy will not remember you, or if he does, his ego still might be a little bruised from the last time you met.
Usually, someone has to think of you in a positive light in order for you to get into a party, and this will most likely not be the case this time around.
Furthermore, even if you were able to get back into the frat house, it might not be a good idea to do so anyway. By putting yourself back into a frat house where you have left someone unsatisfied in the past, you might be a target for someone else who thinks he will get what he wants.
I'm not saying that you need to be paranoid about these types of situations, but you should recognize the possibility of any sort of animosity turning sour in an environment where judgment is not always supreme. It is actually probably best for you to avoid these situations altogether.
I think you would be far better off not to concentrate so much on getting into parties and the so-called limits of touching, petting and groping, but rather thinking about retaining personal dignity, being safe at all times and developing your own standards for what is and is not acceptable behavior.
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