YOU COULD say that I was less than pleased when I discovered an e-mail in my inbox early this July instructing me to write "an advice column to first years" which was to be mailed out to the entire University population. Thinking of the horrendous task, I immediately groaned. The first thing that one tries to avoid as a writer is being repetitive and using cliches, and let's face it - what could I possibly say that has not been said before? In addition, to go to the other extreme and say something outlandish just to be original would be equally foppish. And so - grudgingly - I reflected back on my first year, and thought of the lessons I had learned. I struggled to pick from the memories of finals, frat parties and late nights with my suitemates something worth passing on.
It was after three weeks of this aggravation that it hit me: In my own struggle to realize some sort of real advice to give first years, I had all the time been staring into the face of the best insight I could hope to offer. I had been searching for profundity in a world of Dixie cups and Ramen noodles instead of just saying what I really felt, and this feeling of superfluous strain is reflective of the attitudes of so many first years. We all come to college with these great expectations of what it will be like. Many of us expect it to change us - and it will - but not in any way that we could ever predict. The key to college and especially to its first year, is to remain open to that reality. To try to force our expectations of who we will become or what our lives will be like at U.Va. is to deny and prohibit any real personal evolution.
The best advice I could ever give regarding first year at U.Va. would be to try and stay detached. That sounds bizarre, I know, but it's true. One might be inclined to say that a student must remain ever vigilant in his or her college years, for it is the time that most shapes our lives as adults. The truth, however, is that to try and make order and sense of your life first year is a frustrating and ultimately futile endeavor. Even in retrospect it will be difficult to understand in the short term the meaning of your experiences and development. Therefore, the best plan is to just live and think about it later. Dive into everything you do, enjoy it and get the most out of it, but don't let anything really get under your skin just yet. Keep your perceptions about yourself with you, but in the back of your mind. Even if you are sure you know exactly who you are and what you want to do, trust me, you don't. I knew exactly who I was until I hit U.Va. too.
In addition, another important way that you need to stay somewhat detached is from the people that you will meet. I hate to sound cynical, but keep in mind that even though you might live with them, you don't really know these individuals very well. Unlike in high school, you didn't grow up with them, and you don't know their families or their track records. No one will deny that college can be an intimidating place. It is the first time that most of us have really been put on our own, and it is in a strange place where we know few people or even no one at all. Therefore, it will be very tempting to try and forge strong intensive relationships right away, but people can be very deceiving, and it is best to exercise some element of caution with them, and let your relationships develop slowly. This may sound like a cliche, but the truth is that relationships, like structures, if they are built slowly but well, will last forever, whereas those that neglect the foundation for the sake of appearance will inevitably come crashing down. Fail to recognize this and you will be trapped in the wreckage.
Finally, there is one department that you should be ever focused on and attentive to: your work. Do it. That is the single most important piece of advice that I can offer. It sounds simple to the point of being ludicrous, but you would be surprised just how many first years have a real issue with it. The last thing you need is to mess up your four-year GPA in your first semester. And yeah, you can do that. Even if you have no clue what you want to do, enroll in whatever random classes interest you, and work hard. You don't need to focus yet - it's probably better if you don't - but being unsure of your destination doesn't give you the license to slack off.
In summary, the secrets to success at U.Va. are as follows: Do as much as you can as intensely as you can. Experience everything that makes itself available to you and seek out what doesn't. Don't attach yourself too much to any one thing. Exercise caution in your relationships, and remember that above all, you are at college to get an education. This list sounds intimidating, and while the successful execution of these guidelines is difficult, it is by no means impossible. Learn how to balance these things, and you will have the best year of your life.
(Laura Parcells is a Cavalier Daily columnist. She can be reached at lparcells@cavalierdaily.com.)
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