WELL KIDS, it's that time again! As lazy memories of hot summer nights spent with friends from home begin to fade, we again are immersed in the fast-paced madness that we call U.Va. Classes have started, but many of us - still not fully recovered from our temporary freedom from responsibility - have but one thing on our minds: partying. And so, the kegs are bought and wheeled into frat houses, and as male upperclassman wait enthusiastically for the "fresh meat" to arrive, girls all over Grounds put on the standard uniform of hot pants and tube tops and march in throngs toward Rugby Road. Seem normal? Well, yes, but step back from this picture and the truth becomes clear: Something isn't right.
Though this arrangement may at a glance seem harmless, those of us who have lived the Greek life know how this story will end. A lot of beer will be consumed, a totally inebriated guy will approach a totally inebriated girl - who may or may not be a first year - and he will convince her to go back to one of their rooms. The two, who have engaged in varying degrees of small talk for a maximum of two hours, will "hook up," the always ambiguous expression for anything up to and including casual sex.
Many people think there's nothing wrong with casual sex if both parties are consenting, but there is a problem with casual sex. Despite what many girls may try to make you believe, women are not programmed to engage in this kind of activity. When they try to do it, they just end up emotionally hurt. Many try to hide it, but in the end, the truth comes through: Casual sex leaves girls feeling de-valued and conflicted. It lowers their self-esteem, which in turn drives them to engage in the same behavior more because they don't understand that they deserve better.
This is a vicious cycle that has roots deep in our social and cultural foundations. While many girls may themselves be oblivious to or in denial of the cycle's existence, the bottom line is that it's sad, it's dangerous, and it's the reality. It needs to be stopped.
It's generally acknowledged that women see sex more as about intimacy, while men see it more about mere physical gratification. In other words, because of the chemicals that make our brains work, girls easily get emotionally attached, and because of the chemicals that make their brains work, guys don't. This puts women in an obviously vulnerable position, but until recently, social rules existed to prevent most women from being hurt by this difference. Physical intimacy was taken slowly and rarely occurred outside the context of a serious relationship. However, these rules no longer exist, and there are very few rules at all governing sexual conduct these days. Casual sex has become the norm, and many girls today are now left questioning if they have the right to ask for more.
Surprisingly, this situation is largely the legacy of the feminist movement. At some point, equality got inextricably mixed up with homogeny, and girls in our society began to be taught that their emotions and compassion were weaknesses to be overcome. This mentality set the stage for what we now find today: women trying to act like men, failing, getting used, getting hurt and feeling like they were the ones doing something wrong.
In many ways, women are as much under the control of men as they have ever been, but the difference now is that women can take control and be truly equal as they are, not by trying to act like pseudo-men. We need to show the world that strength and femininity are not mutually exclusive, and we need to realize that we don't ever need to compromise our feelings or feel that they aren't justified. Women around the University and everywhere else constantly complain that men don't treat them with due respect, but what they fail to recognize is that when women begin to demand the respect they deserve, men will have no choice but to give it to them. Let's remember: Men are not evil and scheming. They were raised in the same environment that we were and they have been influenced by the same values. Until those values can be corrected, no one can be blamed for the current situation.
Women at the University and beyond need to realize two important things: They are worthy of true respect, and emotion and strength are not mutually exclusive. Despite the great strides that women have made in the past century, many things in our society still are defined by exclusively male foundations. The role of our generation in the feminist movement is to show that women are different from yet not inferior to men. So next time you head out to Rugby, to class or anywhere else, whether you do it for yourselves or in the name of the larger cause, demand by your conduct the respect that you deserve. You'll find quickly that you'll get it.
(Laura Parcells' column usually appears Fridays in The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at lparcells@ cavalierdaily.com.)
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