F or the first time in 20 years, I find myself on my own. Moving into my first apartment in August meant that I no longer had the guidance of parents or a resident adviser on hand. Like all great milestones, this one brought with it a fair share of responsibility.
For instance, I found myself at the mercy of my own cooking almost overnight. I had to take care of things on my own, and learn to really live alone.
And, yet, after the tragic events of Sept. 11, it seemed like the worst possible time to be on my own. There is a need to be with friends, talk over old things and confront new issues, and most importantly, to sit down together at the dinner table.
So, my friends and I started to have dinner together regularly and the lessons we have learned in the kitchen have helped us make our way through a tragedy.
As human beings, our challenge has been to grieve while healing, to move on without forgetting, and to feel confident while staying cautious. But as a writer, my challenge has been to find new words to shape old emotions, tell different stories to relay the same message, and say just what everyone is thinking but no one else has said quite yet. So, what do you say when everything has been said, especially when it has been said by poet laureates and politicians?
In preparing for these dinner parties with my friends, I've had my fair share of vegetables go up in flames in the skillet and casseroles that come out of the oven looking as if they had just survived Chernobyl. But I also came to understand how a pinch of garlic, a dash of salt and a tiny mustard seed can change everything.
According to the Biblical parable, the mustard seed is the least of all seeds, but when it grows it becomes the greatest of all trees. From such humble beginnings comes an unexpected glory.
So if variety is the spice of life, then recently, the mustard seed has been the salve in our wounds. In the midst of destruction and despair, the stories of hope and heroism are the mustard seeds.
The small clips in the nightly news that tell of a small undertaking by a brave citizen bring something hopeful to an otherwise desperate situation. Take, for instance, the contribution of a young Julliard student. Two days after tragedy struck New York City, the novice musician packed his violin, gathered up his courage, and headed for Ground Zero.
He began with classical pieces and moved slowly into a solo of Amazing Grace before ending with the national anthem. As the last notes of the anthem hung in the debris-filled air, he realized that a crowd of nearly 300 soldiers, rescue workers and civilians had gathered around him.
One of the commanding officers of the troops presented the musician with a medal of the battalion, an honor reserved for someone who has done something special to help the armed forces. The student knew at that moment that he had just given the most meaningful concert of his life.
Just as the musicians on Hollywood's "Titanic"continued to play as the ship sunk lower and lower into the freezing water, the young Julliard violinist was unwavering in his decision to bring a small gift to those people immediately affected by the terrorist attack. His story, like hundreds of others, proves that small acts provide big inspiration.
Just as the tiny mustard seed spreads its roots and branches, the musician's notes filled an area whose only sounds to that point were of collapsing buildings, terrified shouts and grievous sobs. Yet, at that moment, a passerby would hear the sound of an amazing grace overtaking an anguished cry.
Not every one of us can play a violin, much less be a Julliard student able to make our way down to Ground Zero. But the beauty of being a mustard seed is that it simply requires a humble beginning, a small start in order to make great things happen. It can be a kind word, a donation, a positive attitude, a prayer or a little self-sacrifice on the behalf of others.
There is no doubt that this Julliard student is gifted in ways that exceed most of the population. It takes a special talent and courage, not to mention his proximity to the situation, to do what he did. However, this student simply knew what any musician worth his mustard seed would know: The show must go on.