A gratuitous bare-chested shot of Lance Bass. Joey Fatone in a revealing bathrobe. Lance and Joey singing Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and swigging beer.
If the images detailed above appeal to you, perhaps you should see "On The Line," featuring Joey Fatone and Lance Bass from ubiquitous super-boy-band 'N Sync.
"On The Line" centers on Kevin (Bass), a bumbling young advertiser who has real difficulty asserting himself. His co-worker keeps stealing his ideas for ad campaigns, and the very prospect of asking out a girl renders him tongue-tied. While riding Chicago's L-train, however, he meets the girl of his dreams, Abbey (Emmanuelle Chirqui). Unfortunately, Kevin is too shy to get her name or number.
After a lyrical lashing from his friends (one of whom happens to be Fatone, playing Rod, an aspiring singer/songwriter), Kevin decides to grow a backbone and hangs up posters in search of "the L-train girl." Newspapers pick up on his plight, making him a local celebrity. In fact, the only person in Chicago who does not seem to know about his crusade is Abbey.
Kevin suddenly finds himself the object of everyone's attention - hundreds of random women call the number on his posters just to meet him, and Reebok (product placement, anyone?) asks him to head its newest advertising campaign. The tide turns against Kevin, though, when his buddies decide to take out the many female callers themselves, never thinking that the real girl might actually call. When an undercover reporter unearths their scam, naive Kevin goes from Casanova to zero overnight. Can he win back the girl he so desperately wants? What will become of the Reebok account? And will poor Rod ever make it big?
"On The Line" tries to inject a tired formula with the "freshness" of two highly marketable 'N Sync members. Make that one 'N Sync member. Bass fares far better than his counterpart in this melee. Though lacking any real artistic depth (but come on, does anyone expect that?), Bass appears likable and sweet. His scenes opposite Chirqui are rather endearing; there is actually some chemistry between them, and Bass makes it work in an aw-shucks kind of way. One even gets the feeling that the initial meeting (Bass and Chirqui bond over tunes by The Presidents and Al Green) is somewhat plausible.
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Bass's performance, sadly, is the relative high point of the movie. Marketing is taken to an extreme. During the ending credits (featuring a giggly guest appearance by, gasp, Justin Timberlake!), a hugely prominent Jive Records ad reminds all the pre-teens present to be sure to buy the soundtrack.
Music is used to the point of annoyance. In one "heartfelt" scene, Bass delivers a stirring (well, that was the intent, but it comes off as ridiculous) inner monologue, which is interrupted by the sweet strains of the new theme song (and aspiring no. 1 single) "On The Line." In almost every scene, the soundtrack seems to be subliminally playing in the background, urging viewers to buy, buy, buy.
Obviously, the target audience consists of young female 'N Sync fans. This is really the reason the movie was made: to coerce young girls to shell out as much money as possible before 'N Sync's time in the limelight is over. One can't really blame the group, however. This movie at least tries to take itself seriously, unlike the disastrous "Spiceworld" of a few years ago.
Occasionally, however, one just cannot get past the fact that "On The Line" is attempting to coast by on the sheer star power of Lance and Joey. The dialogue is poor at times. "You're totally gonna think it's lame," muses Abbey when her friend presses her for details about the fateful train ride. Unknowingly, Abbey seemingly has summed up the overall feel of the movie in terms that even a child can understand.
Fatone and Bass, in promoting the movie, were sure to repeat time and again, "We are not playing ourselves." By casting Fatone in the role of partying, drinking, wannabe singer, the film tries to shed the squeaky clean 'N Sync image. To also convey its inherent "hipness," the film clothes Bass in an enviable leather sportcoat (how does our favorite struggling ad man afford such a purchase on his meager salary?) and pours his advertising co-worker (played by Tamala Jones) into skin-tight dresses and push-up bras that would be more at home on MTV than in the corporate world.
If you're an 'N Sync fan or happen to be dating a 12-year-old who is, you won't have a problem sitting through this movie. Everyone else, however, should let "On The Line" pass.
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