WITH THE fall semester ending, first-year law students committing acts of near-suicide in preparation for exams, and some second-year law students wishing they had succeeded in their first-year attempts, only one thing could possibly make exam studying complete: yet another installment of the popular segment "Ask Seth."
Our first question comes from a Mr. I. Sawree, who asks, without any prompting, "What do you think about this new honor proposal?"
The new honor proposal is an attempt to give students who know they have committed an honor offense the rarified opportunity to remain at our fair University. Students have to write a written retraction, in the form of an answer to a game of Clue, describing what they did, where and with what. The student then would take a "leave of absence" to reflect and rehabilitate him or herself.
Although this approach is well-intentioned, it would benefit an unintended group of students. Most students who have the initiative to write a retraction likely would rather continue their education somewhere else than wait several semesters to be able to study again in the shadow of Mr. Jefferson.
As the administration generally helps dishonorable folks transfer, most people who admit guilt probably will go off to another land, having lost a semester or two of work. Ultimately, their brush with honor will make their lives more complete. Not everyone, of course, can play for the Washington Wizards.
Apparently, it is those who lack that initiative - those who are both dishonorable and lazy - who will benefit under this plan. They would be the only ones who would remain around Charlottesville long enough to convince some important people that they have been rehabilitated. This might be accomplished by writing "What Would T.J. Do?" 5,000 times or getting Honor Chairman Thomas Hall's face branded on their right shoulder. The judging body would try to determine if the student's heart, like the Grinch's, had grown three sizes during the period of his or her rehabilitation.
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By doing so, they will prove that they will only engage in the traditional, honorable university activities of underage drinking and premarital sex.
Our next question comes from a C. Smith, who asks, "Isn't it horrible that academic budgets are being frozen, while athletic spending increases?"
Yes, it's horrible that faculty hirings have frozen for the next fiscal year.
Just because professors are suffering, however, does not mean that the athletic program must grind to a halt.
People who have complained about this disparity between athletic fundraising and academic funding have ignored two major points: The two sources of revenue do not come from the same pot, and rich people like to have their names displayed on things. Although an endowed professorship undoubtedly would benefit hundreds or thousands of people over the course of a few decades, no wealthy mogul or company generally gets to put a sign in front of the professor's building. In fact, the only people who learn that the professor has an endowed position are those who go to the trouble to read his or her title. Needless to say, this is not an especially large group.
My suggestion: Take a page from NASCAR. Convince would-be faculty members to wear jackets that carry certain brand names, logos or pictures of wealthy benefactors. Promise that the professors will wear these jackets at all times. Also, try to liven up the academic scene by giving the faculty exciting nicknames like "Buckshot," "Clutch" and "Mr. Turbo."
T. Hawland writes, "Does this Al Groh fellow seem serious enough to you?"
Football coach Al Groh definitely gives off the appearance of a serious man. His jaw seems perpetually clenched, such that he could possibly compete with Grave Digger and Bigfoot in a tractor pull. He probably likes to intimidate himself in the mirror and regularly orders his Alpha-Bits cereal to spell out sayings like "Power," "Duty" and "Glad I have a seven-year contract."
The final question comes from Dess Purat, who asks, "What are job prospects like for law students right now?"
With the market tightening, some folks are having problems securing employment for the summer or for after graduation. Thankfully, my economic situation is very secure. While others are languishing on the shoals of economic uncertainty, I have secured a position with a seafaring, stable firm. While I can't divulge its name, this outfit is nationally known, has a wonderful benefits program, and is looking for energetic, take-charge graduate students like myself. I only need to figure out the legal distinctions between "extra crispy," "original recipe" and "honey barbeque."
(Seth Wood's column appears Wednesdays in The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at swood@cavalierdaily.com.)
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