Like many children of divorce, third-year College student Katja Neubauer never will forget the day her parents separated. It is a memory that will persist throughout her life.
But the emotional pain, which Neubauer says has eased over the years, has not kept her from claiming normalcy. She has come to terms with her fragmented family and has moved on.
"I was definitely upset and sad, but I completely understood that it had nothing to do with me. I always knew that they loved me, and that it wasn't my fault," Neubauer said.
Neubauer's experience underscores the findings of University Prof. Emeritus of Psychology Mavis Hetherington, who in a new book rejects the notion that divorce irreparably harms children.
Over the course of three decades, Hetherington studied more than 1,400 families in various stages of separation. Of the 2,500 children involved, 75 to 80 percent developed into what most psychologists define as well-adjusted adults.
"Most of the kids we studied were able to cope with their situation and grew up to be competent adults," Hetherington said.
Her results challenge the prevailing notion - popularized by UC-Berkeley Psychology Prof. Judith Wallerstein - that divorce impairs children's ability to find happiness in adulthood.
In the early 1990s, Wallerstein sparked a national debate about divorce by claiming that children bear the scars of their parents' break-up well into adulthood.
Wallerstein affirms that grim message in a new book. But critics of her research find fault in Wallerstein's methods, contending that her sample group of 56 middle-class families was too small.
Critics also note that 70 percent of her sample group had serious psychological problems from the start.
"Wallerstein didn't do a very good piece of research, in the sense that it wasn't a well-designed scientific study," said Sanford Braver, Arizona State University psychology professor.
On the other hand, many psychology experts regard Hetherington's research methods as the standard for the field.
"A lot more of the experts in the field side with the work of Hetherington," Braver said.
"Wallerstein does a great disservice to parents thinking about divorce by saying that their kids will be permanently damaged," Hetherington said.
Though she admits the damage to neglected children can be severe, Hetherington insists that when separated parents take an active interest in their child's upbringing, the long-term emotional impact of divorce is quite small.
"Having a caring, competent adult who is firm but fair is by far the most important factor in the well-being of children," she said.
She also says divorce can work to the benefit of children when they otherwise would face a battling household.
Rather than continuing to fight, Hetherington advises bickering parents to consider the repercussions of staying together.
"You don't learn good things about life, about relationships, in a malfunctioning family," she said.
Though decidedly more optimistic than her colleagues, Hetherington quickly deflects the charge that she is divorce-friendly.
"I think far too many young people go into marriage these days and bail out at the first sign of trouble," she said. "There will be bumps but you have to persist," she added.
At age 75, Hetherington still keeps up with her research. The children she studied several decades ago now are starting families of their own, and she is curious to see how they fare.
Hetherington has found that children of divorced parents are more likely to divorce as adults, a result she attributes to poor decision making.
She also found, however, that children of divorce who married well-adjusted spouses experienced as much marital bliss as children who grew up in intact families.
Although the precise psychological effects of divorce may never be known, Hetherington's research offers cautious assurance that in the end, children are remarkably resilient.
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