I am 22-years-old, a college student, in a fraternity, and all I ask from a movie about college is a few zingers I can apply to my own life. Therefore, unlike most critics, I was not appalled by the rampant misogyny, homophobia, poop jokes and bad acting of "Sorority Boys" so much as the fact that it almost trumps "Scary Movie" in committing high crimes against comedy.
How chronically unfunny is "Sorority Boys?" The preview for "Undercover Brother," starring titans of comedy Eddie Griffin and Chris Kattan, got more laughs. Yet, there is almost a subversive hilarity in the sheer laziness of the movie. The main Greek houses go by the letters KOK, DOG and Tri Pi, and you should have heard the thud of silence after the only black character with a speaking part, Big Johnson, was introduced. I get a bigger kick imagining the screenwriters at Bennigan's high-fiving each other at the coining of these gags over jumbo margaritas and the fact that Eve 6 is blaring in the background.
Worse yet, the movie can't even be bothered to deliver its promise of at least offending its audience. Among the more "extreme moments" are an inter-sorority football game which turns into a wet T-shirt contest, a giant hairball and a curiously large presence of fake and real phalluses which is sure to please the gay-bashing frat contingent "Sorority Boys" seeks to appeal to.
I'll spare you the quantum physics of the plot, which has all the "believable continuity" factor of a Shaggy Dog story. The three "Sorority Boys," Dave/Daisy (Barry Watson of "7th Heaven" "fame"), Adam/Adina (Michael Rosenbaum of "Smallville") and Doofer/Roberta (Harland Williams, reprising his critically acclaimed stoner role of "Half Baked") are introduced to us at a typically raucous KOK party, each well on his way to scoring a Tri Pi sister.
The Tri Pis are the "hot sorority" on campus, but are also snobby and shallow, which should send shockwaves of surprise through absolutely everyone. Although it is never stated whether they cross-rush with the KEG and SEX house, KOK is easily the coolest house at this nameless college. This is evidenced by their Hypercolor T-shirts, endless supply of plastic penises to catapult at girls and the fact that they all manage to wake up at the same time to photograph and sing to a girl doing the "walk of shame."
Across the street from KOK, resides the polar opposite of the Tri Pi's: Delta Omicron Gamma, the house the boys join in drag after getting booted from their frat. The DOG pound consists of girls with all sorts of maladies that resemble scraps from the Deuce Bigalow table: one with a nails-on-blackboard voice, a hairy Frenchwomen who smokes all the time (get it?) and an Amazon with even bigger problems - "heavy flow days." The only exception is the romantic lead and finest girl in the movie, the bespectacled, and ergo, dorky Leah (Melissa Sagemiller).
Are these guys even trying? At all times Leah actually looks hotter with her glasses on, which also happens to be the case with girls in real life. Then again, the movie boils down to the nerd conspiracy that girls who are attractive cannot have good personalities and vice versa, so it's doubtful anyone involved has much experience with actual women.
To its credit, the film starts out with some promise, but they're like the last few foamy beers before the keg is kicked. The only laugh-out-loud joke pops up twice in the form of KOK's charter-thumpin' president donning some hilariously makeshift ritual masks. This, along with the slapdash, but fairly accurate critiquing of the "good ol' boy" networking of fraternities, are themes that "Sorority Boys" snuffs out the moment they become recognizable as fresh angles. Simply put, the movie needed to cut actual humor short so that it could beat "Van Wilder" to the box office.
Mostly, the lion's share of the film has the "boys" using their newfound ugliness and the physical shortcomings of the DOGs as grist for their endlessly repeating mill of failed jokes about fat asses and uncontrollable falling down. The movie expects the guys in the crowd to find humor in hideous transvestites complaining about dress sizes and ingrown hairs. Because obviously, there's a lot more reward for them in sitting through that than doing the same for their girlfriends.
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The only remarkable thing about "Sorority Boys" is the utter inability to like any of its characters. Adam and Dave are implied as being irresistible to the ladies, but it's hard to tell why as they have the lowest charisma for leading men since the new "Saved by the Bell." We're supposed to like Dave more since he ends up getting the girl, but the only thing that distinguishes him and Adam from each other is what he's willing to screw anyone over for: the chance to feel Leah's boobs rather than getting a job. Leah is meant to be the most complex character (remember - she has glasses!), but I've had more intriguing conversations with people I've bought malt liquor from than the ones she has with her "soulmate" Daisy. And of course, even the deepest thinker in the movie has to show her rack.
This resembles "Shallow Hal" in how it ramrods a "get to know homely girls and you'll love them" moral at the film's end in an attempt to excuse all the comedically bankrupt jokes. University Greeks, spend your eight bucks on beer instead. Why waste it on a movie that's less funny and offensive than one based on your life would be? I haven't been this ashamed to call myself a frat guy since that night during hell week with the billy goat.
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