To: Warner Brothers Films
Re: "Mad About Goo: A Rock Opera Based on 'Gutterflower'"
Starring:
Johnny Rzeznik: played by Jon Bon Jovi; sensitive lead singer unwittingly thrust into a world he didn't create.
Robby Takac: played by Carnie Wilson; dopey sidekick and bassist.
Mike Malinin: played by Emilio Estevez; drummer just happy to be there.
Background: While putting together their Greatest Hits package, "What I Learned About Ego, Art, Opinion and Commerce," the Goo Goo Dolls enjoy a few Zimas and start reminiscing about their past. "Boy, if I'm gonna write every one of my songs with the emotional depth of a high school weblog, wouldn't it be great to be in high school again?" thinks Johnny. In a zany twist of fate, Johnny soon plugs in his distortion pedal, and his amp, malfunctioning from neglect, zaps the boys BACK IN TIME to Adult Alternative High School!
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Plot: Unfortunately, Johnny doesn't instantly fit into Adult Alternative High. Confronted by bullies (played by Warner Brothers label execs) constantly taking Johnny's lunch money, as a last ditch effort, he actually manages to assuage them by agreeing to write them songs for their girlfriends. Johnny, off the top of his head, sings "Iris." Witnessing this act is their eventual mentor, producer Rob Cavallo (played by Rob Lowe), who uses his patented "Cavallo Makeover" to make sure the Goos can run with the right crowd.
With their new clean, harmless image, soon afterwards, Johnny is welcomed into the inner sanctum of popularity at Adult Alternative High. The popular kids, played by members of Train, Matchbox 20 and Vertical Horizon, become inseparable from the boys. Together, they spend most of their time at AAH's favorite hangout, the Top 40 Club, where the lion's share of "Gutterflower's" musical numbers take place. There, they trade stories about girls who don't understand them and girls who nobody understands but them.
Their bonding is displayed by a seamless medley of "Meet Virginia," "Everything You Want" and no less than seven "Gutterflower" songs, culminating with its first single, "Here Is Gone." The audience senses discomfort in Johnny, who's far removed from the days when he was in a band called the Sex Maggots. He copes by singing good-natured homilies like "I won't find the answers when you're gone." Viewers get the feeling that Johnny never really puts his heart into any of his stories, but because his resemble their tales so closely, none of the crew really notices.
That is, until they find the detailed instruction of the "Cavallo's Rules For Likeability" in Johnny's closet while looking for a horizontal-striped sweater to wear. They go down the list in awe:
1. No one loves as hard as you love.
2. No one loses love as hard as you lose love.
3. There's no such thing as too many acoustic guitars.
This goes on while Johnny ironically sings the words to "What A Scene" over a suitably generic "rock" moment: "pop radio screaming down the halls / now you think you found something real ... they give you your image and the things you believe."
Compounding Johnny's problems, Robby feels left out. Back when they were in the Sex Maggots, Robby used to share the spotlight with Johnny, and now he feels that his ugliness, bad singing voice and inability to write an interesting song make him a liability to the Goos. Robby provides comic relief by barging in with "You Never Know," as it looks like Johnny's about to score after wooing the 16-year old girls with "Here Is Gone." Hear the crowd roar with laughter as Robby actually thinks his Bobcat Goldthwait voice isn't spoiling what otherwise would be a catchy tune!
Johnny is appalled and scared he might lose his new friends if Robby keeps up his unwarranted rocking out. Johnny loses sleep many a night, but one particular night, he jumps out of bed to sing "What Do You Need?" to Robby. "Why do we need to turn it on / Why does it always seem so wrong?" The two reconcile as Johnny learns to accept Robby for what he is, eventually letting him get his singin' rocks off again for "Tucked Away."
After that comes the climax of "Gutterflower," "Truth Is A Whisper." As the credits roll, Johnny is found writing his senior quote: "Truth is a whisper and only a choice / Nobody hears above this noise." But while this happens, they are visited by ... the ghost of Soul Asylum's Dave Pirner!
"Who are you?" asks Johnny.
"I get that a lot," replies Dave. "I used to be one of the popular kids, too! I wore the same clothes as your friends, used the same phrases and everything. I got with the school's easiest hottie, Winona Ryder. I met the president! Look at me now! I bet the boys at Warner Brothers never told you the TRUTH about the popular kids at AAH. They're stuck there - FOREVER!"
A scared Johnny stares into the camera, while "To Be Continued..?" flashes across the screen. Will Johnny ever make it out of Adult Alternative High?
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