To change things up, why don't we dip into the bottomless abyss of fan mail addressed to yours truly?
Dear Ian,
Do you smoke crack? I've been hearing some rumors.
-A concerned mom, namely yours
Well, to answer that question, no, I have never smoked crack. I've heard some things about it though: it's very addictive, it certainly changes your lifestyle, people will ridicule you for using it, and ... oh my God, maybe I have. The more I think about it, Andrew WK's full-length debut "I Get Wet" is audio crack, but in the best sense of the word. Like that great first high, you'll probably spend most of "I Get Wet" questioning whether you truly believe whatever the hell is going on.
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Imagine the sound of the Ramones and 2 Live Crew given a large sack of cash and the world at their feet. It's a terminally irresistible combo of metal loudness, punk speed, pop perfection and rap hedonism.
In 2002, modern rock is moping around like the Delta house after learning Dean Wormer was taking away their charter. "I Get Wet" gets all Blutarski on its lame ass, answering all the important questions merely with its song titles. What time is it? "It's Time To Party!" How are we going to party? "Party Hard!" How long are we going to party? "Party Til You Puke!" What kind of party is it going to be? "Fun Night!"
We've heard attempts at anthemic fun from many metalheads, but often they sound as forced and authentic as a University-sponsored "party." Andrew WK is too busy trying to change your life to deal with camp and irony. His up-with-people attitude has made his interviews a must-read and also would be a great gimmick even if "I Get Wet" sucked. The best thing about it, though, is the fact that no album has fulfilled its intended goal this thoroughly in ages. He tries to cram the musical equivalent of a week on Spring Break with David Lee Roth into a shamelessly rockin' 36 minutes.
It isn't rocket science, but it may very damn well change the way you hear other music. Despite the fact that the dead-on Kiss knock-off "I Love NYC" was probably written Sept. 11, 1981, its chorus of "I love New York City! / Oh yeah! / New York City!" is delivered with enough passion to make Ryan Adams run to the hills to pout with his famous friends. "She Is Beautiful" is almost comically honest (key line: "I ain't got nothin' to lose / You only live once / And I want you"), but it rocks with enough confidence to singe the tape off of a room full of fake-ass emo glasses.
And don't even get me started on "Party Hard." While you probably didn't hear it on Spring Break, now is the time to rekindle your love affair with fun: every single second of "Party Hard" is a hook, and you have to envy all the high-schoolers who now have "when it's time to party / we will always party hard" as a possible senior quote.
Any iota of self-importance would bust up this album like the DEA, and thankfully, except for the album title, there's not a lot of "I" here. WK wants us to be in on the fun, constantly using "we" and "you." To wit: "we love what you do in the sack! / because you never look back!"; "we do what we like! / and we like what we do!"; "don't even try to deny it! / cause we're gonna have a party tonight! / and you know we're gonna do it tonight!" It's almost like Andrew WK personally would make you look like the cover art of "I Get Wet" if he heard you weren't picking up on the positive vibes.
Andrew WK played all the instruments on the album, and his singular sense of purpose shows - it makes Smashing Pumpkins records sound like demos. No guitar part leaves the studio without being doubled, and then doubled again, and then doubled by the fakest horn section ever. Beaten within an inch of their lives, the drums are made as loud as possible and demand rear ends to be moved in return. Among the things outlawed on "I Get Wet" are the power ballad in the middle of the album, solos by anybody and minor chords, which I can honestly say are non-existent here. When was the last time that happened? And for good measure, the Baltimore Ravens linebacker corps is brought in to shout the chorus of every song.
Like all great parties, "I Get Wet" leaves a lot of unsettling questions after it's over. Sort of like The Strokes "Is This It," Andrew WK's album has been given the sort of hype that is over the top even for the Brits, sounds completely out of sequence with its competition and is such a fully realized debut that a follow-up seems almost out of the question. It's hard to say what sort of effect time will have on something as fresh as "I Get Wet." Much like crack, this stuff may be good now but there's also a chance we could end up really sorry we ever tried it. But until then, fire this sucker up. It's time to party.
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