Once upon a time, in 1984 to be exact, Paramount Studios unleashed "Friday the 13th Part IV - The Final Chapter." The teen-kill gag was wearing pretty thin and they thought it wise to quit while they were ahead. They proclaimed it as Jason's big goodbye.
They lied.
Flash forward a decade, to 1993. New Line Cinemas acquires the rights to the dead-tired "Friday" franchise and releases "Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday." After nine films, they thought it was a wise time to call it quits once and for all.
They lied.
Fast-forward another decade, to 2002. New Line dumps "Jason X" on the market after countless release date delays. They promise that it will be the Jason film to end all Jason films and that it will break new ground in the horror genre.
They lied.
First off, Pinhead and the Leprechaun both beat Jason to space, in "Hellraiser 4" and "Leprechaun 4," respectively.
Secondly, this franchise has been out of steam since the first sequel. The first film was a solid no-brainer thriller with a killer ending, but the only sequel in the series that's even worth one viewing is part VI ("Jason Lives"). And that's only because it's a surprisingly clever, satiric take on the idiocy of the Jason phenomenon and slasher films in general (beating "Scream" to the punch by over a decade).
That's what this movie should have been. A satire would be the only way to go. Jason just ain't scary anymore. "Jason X" has mere flashes of stale self-referential humor and a gag here and there.
Here's the "plot:" in the year 2010, Jason is cryogenically frozen along with a female scientist (after an opening sequence massacre, of course). In 2455 (445 years later, though the characters repeatedly say it's 455 years later), Jason and the woman are thawed out by unsuspecting scientists visiting the Planet Earth. They come from Earth II, proving that sequels will be around for a long, long time. Mayhem ensues. Jason dies. Jason comes back to life, bigger and badder than ever ("EVIL GETS AN UPGRADE!" as the poster says). Jason dies again. Jason might not really be dead. Fade to credits. Audience groans.
You know it's bad news when the most talented person involved with the production is legendary director David Cronenberg, who only gets a walk-on role in the film's first five minutes. The film's actual director, Jim Isaac, does the best he can with the shoddy material, but he can't save this sinking spaceship.
The very least the filmmakers could have done was bring some closure to the ending. But no, they had to not only bring the lunkhead from Crystal Lake back to life, but also leave an ending open for another damn sequel.
It goes without saying that "Jason X" sucks, but the question is: Is it fun?
Yes and no. It's got some thrills and spills and is generally a crowd-pleaser. But your brain will despise your body for taking the ride. As an ex-avid fan of the "Friday the 13th" franchise, I can honestly say that there are few worse ways to spend your time and money than on a Jason movie.
"Jason X" proves the wisdom of noted philosophers Beavis and Butthead: You can't polish a turd. No matter how strong the production values are, no matter how great the special effects are, no matter how well-composed the film is, it's still just a dead-tired slasher film where one person gets knocked off after another by a brain-dead, uninteresting maniac.
That's another unique thing about this series: Jason has become a cultural phenomenon, but he really is a very dull character. He's a motiveless, brainless, mute and totally predictable zombie.
|
|
|
Kane Hodder brings a fierce intensity to the role (in his fourth film in a row behind the hockey mask) but he can't change the fact that Jason is a pointless, one-note character. Freddy may have been dumb (especially in the later sequels), but the "Nightmare on Elm Street" movies at least engaged in some social commentary and had some rollicking humor and imaginative dream sequences to keep things lively.
You can't change the fact that "Jason X" comes down to a big dumb killer wandering around and slaughtering people, preferably sexually active ones.
If you think "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" is the high point of American cinema for all time, you'll eat this up.
Anyone else should avoid this mildly fun, very lame offering. Send a message to the folks at New Line that it's time to stop beating this long-dead horse.
Read More
The best albums of 2014
By Noah Zeidman | December 4, 2014Across genres, it has been a pretty great year in music.
Top 10 movies of 2014
December 4, 2014This has been an excellent year for film, offering everything from gripping blockbusters to innovative personal films.
Iggy Azalea is “Reclassified”
December 4, 2014It has become common practice among music artists to repackage their albums in an effort to simultaneously boost single sales and dish out new content by slightly renaming the album or slapping “Deluxe” onto the title.
