HERE IS a question that every first year should have to answer prior to their arrival at the University this August: What does a kind, considerate, loyal individual have in common with a self-centered, dishonest or even mean-spirited person? Despite the fact that most bright, new acceptees would automatically assume the answer here to be an unequivocal "nothing," there is, unfortunately something that these two hypothetical people do have in common: They both look exactly the same on the first day of school.
While this seems a pretty cynical way to start off a column directed to incoming first years, the fact is that I have been instructed to give the best piece of advice I can offer to those beginning their lives at the University, and this is it: Be cautious. Dive into your activities, dive into your schoolwork, but take your relationships slow.
It is a natural human reaction for one, when put into a new environment, to immediately search for security. Many of us look for that security in a roommate, a new friend or oftentimes in a new boyfriend or girlfriend. While this can sometimes work out for the best, it can often also end in disaster.
I met the best friend I have ever had in my life on the street outside a fraternity house two years ago on my fourth day of college at the University. I was skeptical of him for a long, long time after I met him, due to a resemblance I thought he bore to a less-than-trustworthy friend from back home. We became close, but I kept him a far distance from my heart for longer than I am sure he would imagine. Only after a lot of time had passed and he had proven to me time and again the incredible nature of his character did I begin to trust him, and as a result of building our relationship so slowly, we have made it through many serious problems.
On the other hand, throughout my two years at college, there have been five people I have become close to quickly at the University, and it has gotten me in trouble four out of five times. One - a rare case - my first-year roommate and one of the most incredible women I have ever met, transferred after our first year, and to this day I cannot claim to be completely over it. The other four individuals are the best examples of why one should exercise caution in relationships. After I got to really know them, they proved to be, for one reason or another, just mean. If I had applied the level of caution to my relationships with them that I did to the one I have built with my best friend, I wouldn't have been hurt when I saw their true colors. I gave them too much credit too soon, because I wanted to see them as trustworthy. It is a mistake that many people make, but it is one that, with a little bit of presence of mind, we can all avoid.
Back home in Little Rock, Southwest Virginia, New Jersey or wherever you are from, it's easier to know who you can and can't trust. You grew up knowing people's families and - more importantly - their personal histories. College is a different story. People show up on move-in day, and can make themselves appear to be whatever and whomever they want. Their real character may not show for awhile, and the last thing you want to do is to trust someone before you know who they really are.
These words are not meant to scare anyone, and I am aware that they come off more intimidating than they are intended to be. I do not hope to imply that everyone you meet will be evil - far from it - but merely that some of the people you will meet, people you will think you can trust, will turn out to be bad news. This happens all the time in life, but it is especially a threat at a time when everyone is struggling to find security, and most people don't really know anyone else. This doesn't mean first years should segregate themselves from each other - in fact I believe new students need to go out and do everything they can to meet as many people as possible. The key, rather, is to - as hard as it sounds - count primarily on yourself in the first few months of school, and not too quickly put all your faith in the hands of people you don't really know. Like so many things in life, while this may seem the less appealing path in the short run, in the long run, you will be far better off, and it is a wise man who has foresight enough to know that the long run is what matters.
(Laura Parcells is a Cavalier Daily associate editor. She can be reached at lparcells@cavalierdaily.com.)
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