Sex is a hot topic among college students. Since Kelly King's Sept. 10 "Under the Covers" column, there has been a fair amount of talk about sex printed in the opinion section of The Cavalier Daily. Most of this has come from virgins who were angered by the "virgin bashing" done by King. However, virgins should not feel the need to defend themselves for something that is not a problem. Individuals do not need to reassess their decisions -- rather, present opinions about sex that lead to discomfort and alienation must be altered by our peers who hold them.
Having or abstaining from sex is a personal decision. Like drinking alcohol or eating meat, it is a choice that each person must make for him or herself, free from the pressures of peers and society in general. No reason need be given as to why someone chooses to abstain from sex, just as no reason need be given when someone chooses not to consume alcohol. Personal decisions are just that -- personal. They should be respected as such. Virgins, angered by the negativity surrounding their choices, should seek to change societal attitudes instead of spending time enumerating the reasons they chose to be a virgin.
People often are uncomfortable talking about sex because of the dishonor that surrounds sex in our society, whether you are a virgin or sexually active. Few people will readily admit to being a virgin in new company, for fear that everyone else has had sex and he or she will be categorized as a "prude." On the other hand, not many people are willing to readily discuss their sexual past because they may appear to be easy, or labeled a "slut." This discomfort is found more among girls than boys. Boys who have frequent sex are seen as "players," but girls are viewed as trashy. Most of us know boys who brag about their frequent sex, instead of being embarrassed. In my experience, people who are comfortable with their sexual decisions are not all too common.
Despite the awkwardness caused by this topic, sex is everywhere in our culture. But if society is really so open when it comes to sex, why is it that virginity remains such a curse for those college students choosing it? For whatever reason, abstaining from sex has somehow come to be a socially isolating factor, making virgins feel like their choices are somehow viewed as wrong.
As long as current attitudes about sexual choices persist, refraining from sex will continue to be seen as some kind of problem. Having sex or not having sex is a personal choice. This fact must be accepted and respected by our generation. All the talk of sex around Grounds over the past couple of weeks has done nothing to solve this problem. Instead, it has worsened it.
Virgins should not be defending themselves against the negativity of King's column. The mere fact that virgins feel they were being attacked by King points to the fact that "carrying the V-card" is viewed as a problem for which you must have a specific, distinct and "good" reason. This should not be the case. Choosing to be a virgin is not a decision that needs to be defended.
So stop dwelling on it. Virgins: good for you. You've made your decision and that's great. Respect yourselves for having the maturity to make decisions for yourself. Non-virgins: good for you too. You too have made a decision for yourself and hopefully are continuing to make good decisions about your sexual behavior by using protection.
Sex should be an open topic in our society and here at the University. No one should be ashamed about his or her sexual decisions and no one should feel he or she has to hide the truth about themselves. But by defending yourself for being a virgin or for having sex, you make it seem as if there is something wrong with what you are doing and thus it must be defended. Respect yourself and your peers for the decisions they make and the people they are. This problem is one too large for women's groups on campus; this is a problem that will only be resolved when people change their own attitudes and learn to be tolerant of each other and their decisions. By developing a community of mutual respect, people's sexual status will become unimportant.
(Kate Durbin is a Cavalier Daily
viewpoint writer.)
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