Adidas has it right: "Long live sport." That's "sport," singular, mind you. "Sports" is the conglomeration of athletic games; "sport" is the idealistic pursuit of a greater end, redefining challenge and triumphing over adversity. Through sport we find trial, we find passion, we find worth.
The world basks in the full range of sports -- everything from basketball to bobsled. Each competitor will certainly rank his or her sport as the best test of athleticism and strength of both mind and body. Each will feel he or she devotes more energy and steadfast resolve to participation than others do for their respective sport.
But honestly, we all know that's not true. This isn't going to be one of those sappy college entrance essays that explicate why sport is a metaphor for life. Certainly not. Rather, I'm here to pick a fight.
My friends and I enjoy the pastime of thoughtful and, truthfully, over-analytical discussions regarding the designations and classifications of sport. Many of you likely recognize that Sports Illustrated does a weekly "Sport/Not a Sport?" routine -- we, however, delve further into the matter than such a light-hearted, whimsical glimpse. Our perusals may ultimately be in jest but are far more scrutinous than SI's, as they choose among the register of sports and pick the mightiest.
I am half-tempted to declare co-ed intramural inner tube water polo and -- to show my Northern bias -- squash to be the two and only two primary sports, but I'd rather not lose all my credibility before I even begin.
Primary sports -- These are the kingpins of the sport world, combining pure athleticism with necessary refined skill. With visions of the Olympics in mind, many might conjure images of track and field as the quintessential sport -- but they'd be wrong. Track can not possibly be primary when the primary activity of track (for the clueless, I'm talking about running) is used as conditioning for other sports. And this is coming from a high school hurdler.
I love swimming. I can't do it well -- I was the class "sinker" back in high school P.E. -- but I maintain great respect for those who can. Swimming, however, cannot possibly be an ultimate sport because there is no source of matchups, defense or reactions. In a primary sport, competitors must be able to influence directly each other's performance (see "blocking shots" in basketball). Each participant competes independently and, while I do not discount the effect of seeing a swimmer get a fast start in the next lane, each could be having the same experience individually. One can swim anywhere without anyone else. Try saying the same when batting against a non-existent pitcher.
Crew fails the repeated motion test necessary to be named a primary sport. Again, rowing is extremely athletic, it is a team sport, it requires immense will power, but it does not ever stray from the same skill. True sport entails all manner of tools, not just one.
Speaking of the wold "ultimate," Frisbee is not primary because it fails the culture test. Any sport that immediately inspires thoughts of hippies, Birkenstocks and weed immediately is disqualified from consideration.
Primary sports require every fiber of one's physical and mental beings. They are the all-encompassing activities that attract both the best athletes and widespread spectator interest. That second stipulation immediately knocks down a notch the otherwise deserving sports of hockey (ice and field), lacrosse and squash.
The primary sports, in this writer's unqualified opinion, are (no surprise) baseball, basketball, football and soccer.
Secondary sports -- This is the realm of the primary leftovers -- all those sports that fail on just one or two required tests. These are just as legitimate ways to devote one's time and energy but they fail to meet all of the ideals of the holy sphere of sport.
Tertiary sports -- This is where you find the recreational and wannabe sports. This is the domain of golf, bowling, ping-pong and curling, where the competition is not as fierce nor the game quite as demanding. And where overweight, out-of-shape players can still compete at a high level (e.g. John Daly).
Quaternary sports -- This is where the line between sport and activity is blurry. Herein one can find billiards, miniature golf and checkers.
This, of course, is just one man's unsubstantiated view of the sporting world -- but I still think I'm right.
Disagree? Arguments welcome. E-mail me.
Joe Lemire is a Cavalier Daily Associate Editor. He can be reached at jlemire@ cavalierdaily.com.
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