Forget worrying about spending all your money on depressants or stimulants if that's your thing, because they are no longer the most addicting problem out there. All it takes is a walk around any male's dorm to prove it--DVDs are everywhere, and once you start buying there's no turning back.
Everyone has his or her favorite movies or TV shows, and with the invention of DVDs just about everyone now has copies of those films and shows cluttering their rooms. Renting DVDs seems to have died out with the 20th century, now replaced with blowing 20 to 30 bucks on each movie your eyes pass on the shelf. On a boring night back home in Memphis, I now drive to the store and browse until I find a movie to buy. This habit, of course, is very dangerous, as I at one point came home with U-571--I actually spent money on it--and now possess it for the rest of my life, haunting me on the shelf, laughing and tormenting me. But even with that mistake, the addiction continues.
But DVDs do offer some great features, such as director commentary and deleted scenes. After watching most of them, though, the reasons why the scenes were deleted and the alternate endings were cut become obvious. But how else are you supposed to watch interviews with the real George Jung and find out things about Tarantino that you never knew before? And aren't we all much better people for having wasted time watching these incredible bonus features?
For a while after buying it, thanks to the wonderful "jump to any scene" feature, I would watch the finale of "Scarface" before going out with friends in the evening. This of course had to stop after--yelling and screaming with my M-16 in hand and riddled by bullets--I became a bit too intense for the delicate girls I was trying to pick up at bars.
So why do we continue to compulsively purchase DVDs? Why can't we stop? I have no idea. If you find a cure, please let me know. The heroin addicts can check into clinics and get methadone doses, but Blockbuster won't even let you use their restroom if you ask. No, there is no solace for the film addict. All you get is a lighter wallet, less shelf space and the loss of countless hours of your life soaked up by sitting in front of the tube absorbing your latest purchase. That's right --after thousands of years we have escalated from cavemen grunting in front of a fire to yuppies quoting the next line that will come out of our hi-fi DVD player and stereo, loaded with whatever new version of surround-sound Dolby is soliciting this week.
When CDs hit the market they wiped tapes, vinyl and 8-tracks from the earth. And now Blockbuster is slowly increasing the DVD section and getting rid of obscure VHS's that no one ever rents. DVD audio is on the rise as well, offering even better sound quality than all its predecessors. Because the people with excess dead presidents to throw around probably can tell the difference in sound. The marketplace is turning into a Patrick Bateman dream world. Just think, if Bateman had been a 21st century yuppie rather than from the eighties, he could have asked, "Do you like Al Pacino?I think he was a little weak in 'Dog Day Afternoon,' but 'Serpico' really is a masterpiece in its own right," rather than commenting on "Huey Lewis and the News."
At this moment, between my roommate and I, there are over a hundred different movies with jump to any scene, extended scenes and optional director/writer commentary taking up space in our room. Realizing that they cost twenty to thirty bucks each, I now wonder what else I could have with the thousands that I have thrown to producers who probably were not starving for pennies before they sucked me into this cruel game.
And we all know that the producers are on the winning team, cheating as they wish, because they write the rules and refuse to hire refs. They're going to keep winning too. "Lord of the Rings" came out and everyone bought it; then, two months later they released the version with extended footage and behind-the-scenes interviews so we all could pay them for the film twice. Spielberg also is going to increase his wallet yet again in a few years, and why shouldn't he? I mean, he needs money so he can fund more travesties like "A.I." and "Minority Report." Everyone loves "Indiana Jones," and if you don't, Dante will be more than happy to show you what hell really looks like when you're done gracing the world with your presence and bad taste. And if you weren't aware, you can't buy any of the Indiana Jones movies on DVD yet. Why is this?Because they are going to make another one, scheduled for release around 2005 starring the remnants of Harrison Ford, whom I'm guessing will be trading in his whip for a walking stick. If my premonitions are correct, the money making machine of Lucas and Spielberg will be releasing some sort of collector's set trilogy to mark the release of the new film. And why shouldn't they --I'm going to buy it, and they can't ask for better advertisement: fresh from watching the old movies, we'll be yearning for the next shot of whatever they give us in the new movie. These people should help out Argentina with money problems, because apparently they've got it figured out.
So like a junkie waiting for the next score, I still continue to add to my film collection.You can take a break, but eventually you will break down into a red-nightmarish withdrawal and have to go buy something new to watch. And as problematic as it all is, there is nothing quite as nice as sitting in my room with a glass of scotch listening to Colonel Slade tell the Baird School what he would have done to their establishment five years ago with a flame-thrower. If you didn't catch that, go buy "Scent of a Woman."
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