Admittedly, the majority of you who read this column (yes, all 10 of you) are not my targeted audience this time around--well, not yet at least. This is for those readers a little older and much wiser. This column is directed at parents who have children in youth sports, planning to have children in youth sports and to any of you who can keep in mind my little narrative a couple years from now when you have a child rather than act like a child.
There is a disturbing trend in youth sports that has become more and more apparent with each passing season: the inability of parents to remember that the game their child is participating in is exactly that--just a game. Americans always have put more emphasis on winning than losing, but it seems this aspiration has gotten out of hand in today's youth sport culture.
As someone who has participated in youth sports as a player, coach or referee since I was out of diapers, I have been unfortunate enough to witness this phenomenon first hand.
Whether it's the need to be the best at all costs or because they believe their child can be the next LeBron James, Alex Rodriguez or Carson Palmer, many parents seem to have forgotten that there's more to sports than winning. There's cooperation, teamwork, leadership and plain old having fun. Rather, it seems that more and more parents have adopted the Vince Lombardi mantra of "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing." (And a college scholarship or multimillion dollar contract wouldn't hurt, either).
Two recent examples I encountered highlight this disturbing tendency in today's youth sports leagues. First, a few weekends ago I was a basketball referee at a local AAU tournament for girls aged 11-15. In one game that I worked involving 11-12 year-olds, one team was simply having a bad game. Only a few minutes into the contest, the coach called a timeout and lambasted his players for their less than stellar play. He was yelling so loudly and vigorously that I wanted to step in and protect these girls from a speech they obviously weren't hearing for the first time. I looked to my partner and said, "This guy thinks he's Bobby Knight because he can scream at a bunch of prepubescent girls. It's ridiculous."
My second example involves a parent, not a coach. A few weeks ago I was refereeing a girls basketball playoff game involving 9 and 10 year- olds. With only a few seconds left and her team down by one, a girl was fouled and went to the line for two free throws. Just before I handed her the ball to attempt her first shot from the charity stripe, her father started screaming at her to make the shot. Tears started to stream down her face to the point that she was visibly shaking. Although her coach wisely called a timeout to try and calm her down, she continued to shake throughout the entire ordeal. I felt ashamed for simply watching what little league basketball had become. I wanted to end the game and call it a tie. (To her credit and my amazement, she ended up making both free throws.)
Whereas most kids won't remember the outcome much past its actual ending, I've seen too many parents and coaches agonize over a game or player's performance to the point you'd think it was a 'life-or-death' situation. The amount of pressure some parents and coaches put on preteen players is simply too much to bear. This pressure was part of the reason I stopped playing baseball when I was younger. The game simply stopped being fun.
Now I know I may be painting the brush a little broad, as I am well aware that there are many parents and coaches who realize there is much more to sports than winning, it does not mean this 'win at all costs' mentality has not pervaded youth sports.
When the game stops being fun and starts being only about winning, there's clearly a problem. When youth sports stop focusing on teamwork and cooperation and start concentrating on getting 'Little Johnny' a football scholarship or higher draft status, that's where I have to draw the line. Hopefully youth sports will stop being about a child trying to please his or her parent or coach and return to solely being about fun. After all, it's just a game.
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