Despite all previous indications, this is not a "feel-good" column. Enough of the whole "U.Va. was the best decision of my life," "how great is college," "the sun is shining and the birds are singing," fa-la-la-la... la-la-la-la.
No. On the contrary, it is snowing (again -- shockingly), our country is entrenched in an indefinite war and one look at my calendar projects a not-so-fun stretch to finals (Monday through Thursday at 6, that is). Needless to say, by the time I crawled out of my triple-blanket cocoon for traditional Sunday brunch with the girls, I was not feeling particularly "chipper."
Furthermore, over coffee, oatmeal and gossip -- the usual weekend debriefing fare -- my friends posed the one question I dread.
"So Pels," (female use of surname designation is a recent phenomenon, probably due to the profusion of frat pledge boy talk around dorms,) "what are you going to write about this week?"
Ironically, in my annoyance at having to confront this topic two days before absolutely necessary, the chosen subject suddenly seemed so obvious.
"Well, I was thinking something about pet peeves ..."
That was all I had to say.
The complaining and griping flowed so fervently, I almost needed to grab a napkin and start taking notes. From the typical testaments of male disorderly conduct (you know who you are), to what my admittedly random friends find particularly "creepy" -- little kids and the way they say "juice" -- apparently I am not the only one who finds certain things intolerable right now. Actually, I always find certain things intolerable ... it's just that currently I am even less able to tolerate the intolerable.
And so, with no logical order or appropriate place to begin, here is what bothers, irritates, annoys, "rubs the wrong way," if you will, a random sampling of the University population, at times including myself. Anonymity has been preserved.
Grammar mistakes on the "Stall Seat Journal" (in the words of our friend Ross, y-o-u-'-r-e means you are; y-o-u-r means your.)
While we're in the bathroom -- girls, you realize that people spit where you "soak" the dried Easy Mac off your plastic bowls.
Dorm life in general: Lounge/hallway hook-ups (it happens, trust me). Roommates' undergarments and/or "sexual problems" where they are neither wanted nor needed. Inebriated visitors who have lost their way (and bladder control) in the vicinity of your room. The "incubation and proliferation effect" of every cold and flu strain imaginable. The "whiteboard only" rule. "B-Castle" weekend parking. VSOCs. Lost swipecards. Lack of cell phone service. Etc., etc., etc.
Pedestrians when you are driving, drivers when you are a pedestrian.
Any public cell phone conversation that begins with, "Oh my God! He did what?!" Especially at the dinner table.
Guys who buy you a drink and don't realize that you really just want the drink.
Girls who freak out about the meaning of "date function" and don't realize that you really just need a date.
"Friends with benefits."
Name droppers. Social climbers. Fakeness.
"You could do so much better than me."
"I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you."
"I still want to be 'best friends.'" "Don't take it personally."
And the classic -- "It's my shortcoming, not yours ..."
Warm Diet Coke. Week-old Chinese food. The smell of popcorn unless you're the one eating it.
Stubborn Sharpie marks. Shoes ruined by frat sludge. Losing fleeces, cameras, cell phones, IDs -- and not realizing it until the next day, or the one after that.
Lateness. Extreme lateness. We're talking over 45 minutes here. Girls, guys, it does not matter. Late is bad.
And have the decency to call.
Charlottesville taxi services. Correction: service.
When you have something in your teeth and no one tells you.
Cargo pants. Earrings, necklaces or any kind of visually prominent accessory. Gelled and/or spiked hair. Gentlemen, not a good call.
Discussion sections before 10 a.m. or after 5 p.m. Discussion sections on Fridays. Discussion sections.
55 MPH all the way to D.C.
Four-way screens and tickertape. CNN, we are all very proud of your surviving cameras, but honestly, aim for tasteful or you'll end up like FOX.
The "car, train, plane-ride" distance between upper Rugby and the Mad Bowl. Late on a Saturday night. In the rain. Or snow.
Hearsay. Lying. Broken promises.
Charlottesville radio stations. Charlottesville drivers.
Charlottesville weather.
The first post-hook-up encounter.
The AFC -- hot, crowded and not conducive to any kind of fulfilling workout. Unless you enjoy the 25 minute run, 20 minute wait for the Stairmaster routine.
Bagel stores and frozen yogurt shops that refuse to take credit cards.
Southwest Airlines' "A-B-C" system of boarding. American Airlines' inability to track its luggage on direct flights. US Airways' penchant for canceling commuter runs to Charlotte or Pittsburgh.
AOL Instant Messenger sound effects. Awful.
Wasn't that fun? I'm sure we all feel so much better after this bout of Life Section therapy. At least I do. At least until the next snowstorm.
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