For the amount of complaining we girls do about guys -- whether it be the morning after conversation with our girlfriends or the multiple books targeted to assist us in our woes -- I have discovered in my 19 years of life and six of dating that maybe these guys deserve more credit than we give them. If we lay aside our broken hearts and disregard fantasies about our knight on a white horse rescuing us from a boring weekend for just a moment and actually look at the other sex with some sympathy, we may find that it's only fair to cut them a break.
Men no longer know what to expect from women: Do we want him to open the door or let us show our power by paying for the meal? Would we rather be fawned over by an Aiden-like boyfriend or do we want him to play hard to get because the "new" woman likes a challenge? With all these questions, is it possible, in absolute bitterless retrospection, that these poor guys simply are confused by the 21st century woman, evolved and equal, and in their disillusionment have no idea what to do with us?
How many times has a guy taken out a girl and hovered around the door of a restaurant, awkwardly waiting to see if she will reach for the handle? How many times have you yourself wondered if you should wait in the car to see if he will open your door? How many times have you offered to pay for the bill, or at least your half, simply trying to be polite and then actually had your offer accepted? (If you have experienced that situation, I am more than willing to bet your date not only ended swiftly after that event but your best friend also received a phone call with the preface, "You are not going to believe this.")
But can I, at the risk of debasing every Southern value ever taught to me in Cotillion, defend these guys for one quick moment in an attempt to understand what is going on here? Could it be that they no longer know what animal they are dealing with?
We women, especially those at the University, have spent years trying to prove ourselves to professors, admission boards and men, exercising our rights to education, equal employment opportunities and in default, equal dating.
Plenty of married couples both work, hold separate bank accounts and split costs -- even down to their child's tuition payments. The fact that it's a new world for women isn't news, nor is it a topic that any of us want to discuss at the risk of monotony. But does this mean it's a new world for dating, and if so, how many of us are truly happy with this fact?
Having gone to an all-girls prep school in Texas my entire academic life, I witnessed the typical "old-school" dating values but also learned from an early age that "women" should be spelled "womyn" because men have no right to be a part of us.
I come from a background comprised of equal rights, and I will admit that I expect to have a career and be paid the same amount as a man in my position, as do I expect and think I deserve the same respect in the work place as men receive. But do I, do we as women, do the guys out there who have read this far into the column really want to play on an equal dating field?
If we listen closely to the people around Grounds, most don't. I have to admit that there is nothing more refreshing than a guy who will open my door, call me a few days in advance for a date instead of 20 minutes before a date function (yes, this does happen), pay for dinner and offer to carry my bags. I feel it is a sign of respect for us women -- not a degradation -- when guys do these things; it's like they are saying, "Hey, thanks for spending time with me."
But is it asking too much to want a job and an old-fashioned date? Can we be equal and paid for? Can we maintain a sense of dignity and self-respect that transcends the man's arm we hold while also holding onto the antiquated idea that women are treasures and should be treated as such? Can we be self-reliant and sexy?
Unfortunately, there are no definitive answers to these questions, but the questions alone are enough. At least the knowledge that these 20-somethings have no idea what to expect from their estrogen-laden counterparts can keep us from deeming most men as pig-headed, rude or ill-bred. Instead, all we can do is hope that there is a guy out there who will follow his Mom's instructions and treat a woman like a lady, not because he feels he has to or the girl is too weak, but because he respects her and knows he is lucky to have her company.
I figure the age-old game of playing hard-to-get sums it up. In my experience, guys always have liked to be with the girl who can hold her own and doesn't need him to be around but loves it when he is. He likes the thrill of the chase initiated by a strong girl, as well as the sensitivity and girlish qualities of a Southern Belle when he finally snags her.
In effect, most guys probably would fall for a girl just like the ones we want to be -- independent, smart, achieved and head-strong with the expectation of being treated like a lady, not a "womyn."
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