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Madden 2004, Soul Calibur 2: Distractions Incarnate

Four days into the fall semester, my hallmate disappeared. He was last sighted giddily prancing down the hallway, Funcoland bag in hand, scampering toward his room with a closely cradled videogame case.

For days, his room was eerily stagnant, save for sporadic yelps of fury or exultation. These aural spikes leapt from a continuous and gentle murmur of epic symphonies interjected with a cheesy announcer proclaiming each great victory or defeat.

Soul Calibur 2 is upon us.

Several days later, my friend emerged, unshowered and unshaven, eyes glazed from irregular and infrequent sleep, lips crusty from Pepsi and beef jerky binges. With trepidation, I entertained an invitation to enter his foul lair, whereupon he proceeded to selfishly fondle the instructional booklet like Gollum guarding his "Precious." In fact, the Gollum reference is not unwarranted, given the sickly appearance of my pale and odiferous pal.

Another hallmate spontaneously vanished for hours at a time during the first month of classes. These periods of isolation were also interrupted by brief bursts of competing exuberance and fury.

Even louder than the rumbling bass of this hallmate's superior sound system (a regular irritation to the ladies of the floor below), these ear-drum shattering screams were mixed among non-stop hooting and hollering, the type of trash-talk that comes only from conceited football gamers.

Madden 2004 is out now.

These portraits of obscene obsession are not unfamiliar to college students across the nation. Indeed, Soul Calibur 2 and Madden 2004 have heinously swept through the country, infecting an entire college generation with a dangerous case of gaming fixation. Sloth has taken residence in dorms across America and the sole focus of many a college co-ed is to master that 6-hit air-juggle or HB counter sweep.

Soul Calibur 2 is the third game in Namco's penultimate weapons-based fighting series. Players switch between attacking with horizontal or vertical slashes, kicks or throws, or blocking, countering or evading by utilizing the series' liberating 8-way run system.

Madden 2004, from EA Sports, is the latest version of a long-running and widely renowned football simulation. Players select from hundreds of play calls and dozens of teams with thousands of real life athletes to live out their pigskin fantasies.

While their single-player modes or graphics may be spectacular (don't even try finding a coherent storyline in either one), the real beauty and lure of these two games is their multi-player modes, those productivity-thieving nemeses of the time management world.

Soul Calibur 2 has players clamoring for a few more rounds against that no-good, cheapo, friend-turned-foe.

Madden has participants shamed by friends and disowned by family for calling a nickel flat cover when their opponent ran a deep slant.

This "friendly" competition is so fierce that students of the game are often compelled to rehearse their play calls and combos. Still, no matter what the outcome of these competitions, the fun of playing these games comes from the fellowship of playing.

Not surprisingly, the use of these games results in time-dilation.

While Soul Calibur 2 swallows unsuspecting players whole for a couple days up front, then proceeds to demand daily affection to maintain pugnative proficiency, Madden 2004 is a slow consumption, snatching an hour or three a day for such a regular period, converts forget when they last saw natural light.

Both of these games are highly addictive. One more quarter quickly becomes one more hour, another three rounds swiftly steal three hours of your night when you should have been studying.

Seriously, folks, I cannot emphasize this point enough: the mixture of these two games could prove acutely toxic to academic success.

Both games are available now for all respectable video game systems, and Gamecube, as well. Graphics are pretty even across the systems for both games, with X-Box as the slight leader as usual in the graphics department.

When it comes to game play -- namely, online capability in Madden and controller ease-of-use in Soul Calibur 2 -- Playstation 2 wins out, like always.

Madden 2004 is almost identical across the system iterations, but SC2 has separate and exclusive bonus characters unique to each console version. Gamecube sports a playable Link from the inimitable Zelda series, and Playstation 2 has Heihachi from the once-trademark Tekken series, while X-Box gets Spawn of comic book fame.

Alas, if you have scant 50 dollars remaining before you reach your credit limit after textbook purchases, consider the following to decide which one of the games you should get:

If you've ever fantasized about a whip-wielding, leather bikini-clad, creeping-vine dominatrix (Ivy), or a nunchuk-twirling, pirate garb-sporting, feminine hygiene product-monikered Elvis look-a-like (Maxi), then consider Soul Calibur 2 your daydream come true.

If you've ever considered controlling an O-Line-melting, QB-crippling, plus-plus-sized Maple tree-in-wintertime reminder (Warren Sapp), or hearing an ambiguously-complimentary, multi-legged turkey-loving, tour-bus-traveling Dennis Miller-supplanter (John Madden, the namesake), then consider Madden 2004 the game for you.

On second thought, pawn off your watch or bum some cash from your roommates to buy both of these ridiculously sweet discs of near-perfection.

Advertising gullibility be damned; you need these games now.

The title of Madden Master is continuously rotating between the heavyweights of my hall and the resident hermit eventually completed Soul Calibur 2's mission mode, purchasing all the extra weapons and costumes with his hard-earned virtual cash.

Yet, he remains curiously holed up in his room, beneath his crumpled comforter, bathing in the back-lit glory of his latest "Precious."

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance was just released.

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