Have you heard? The spring course offering directory debuts next week and I, for one, am absolutely excited about it.
New course offering directories mean a few happy days of thinking about the dream schedule I could have next semester, even as I procrastinate my way through the not-so-dreamy schedule I always seem to end up with.
This next course offering directory is especially important to me because it will be my last new COD as a student in the College. Let me take this opportunity to put the word out to the scheduling powers that be: I have a few classes that I'd like to take during my last semester to really round out my resume as I apply for a job in sports.
MUSI 143: Jocks that Rock
This is a variation on the standard "Rocks for Jocks" class that so many schools offer. This class would not be for jocks at all but rather those that see the important connections between music and the world of sports. For example, I hear that Virginia women's basketball player Brandi Teamer does a mean Tina Turner impression. As a class project, we could measure the decibel increase of the student section in response to Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" as compared to Guns 'N' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle." What about player performance? Does a certain lead-in song really help a baseball player have a better at-bat? And why does Jorge Posada always select dance ballads as his entrance tune? This is academic territory simply screaming to be explored.
ECON 444 ($$$): Be Like LeBron
Sure there's an economics of sports class, but what about the nitty-gritty of how to land a multi-million dollar endorsement deal before you ever put on an NBA jersey? How do you find an agent who can get you an A-Rod sized contract on rec league grade talent? (Don't kid yourself.) Lectures will include "You're Never Too Young To Start Endorsing" with guest speaker Freddy Adu and "How Soon Can a Jersey Be Marked Up As a 'Throwback'?" I predict they'll have to get Old Cabell Hall to seat the crowd that will sign up for this one.
PHYE 806: Substance Abuse
This class will take place Tuesday nights from 9-10 p.m. and will consist entirely of viewing ESPN's original entertainment series, "Playmakers." There are enough substances on that testosterone-laden soap opera to teach anyone about the ins and outs of drug abuse, including the life lessons that come with it. Those lessons would of course include the following: Crackheads move to the top of the depth chart, a brave doctor and clean catheter are all you need to fool drug testers, and only nice guys get caught. This class is ideal for those with busy schedules: If you miss an episode, the worldwide leader in sports will be sure you get at least eight or nine more chances to see it. Don't laugh, I know you can't stop watching either.
EDLF 555: Multicultural Education
All right, I'll fess up. This is a real class at the University, and it's one I've already taken. And I would take it again in a heartbeat if I could, but this time I would bring a few people from the sporting world along. Rush Limbaugh would get my first invitation: Perhaps a few of Professor Bob Covert's white privilege exercises could teach him something new. Then of course there's LPGA golfer Jan Stephenson, who commented that "Asians are killing our tour. Absolutely killing it. Their lack of emotion, their refusal to speak English when they can speak English. They rarely speak." Stephenson went so far to suggest that the commissioner should place a quota on Asian players, because they're taking "American" sponsors' money. Jan, sweetie, you've been on the tour a long time, but these are ideas that belong in a different century. Perhaps a few EDLF 555 discussions might help you understand that there are in fact people who are Asian AND American! Who would've thought?! They even speak English! I could go on, but I think the success of Covert's Multicultural Education class should speak for itself. Jan and Rush might not make it in his class, but I believe that every University student would do themselves a favor to try.
All of these classes would be popular additions to the University's spring line-up. They reflect a broad liberal arts curriculum while advancing important lessons that can and will be used in "the real world." Of course I suggest only four classes for 12 credits total: We're talking about the second semester of my fourth year here, and I, like so many fourth years before me, have some very important research in resume writing and bar hopping to take care of. For everyone else, happy course-hunting.
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