I'd like to remind everyone to drink up on Saturday for the first round of the fourth-year fifth. And then do it again for the Virginia Tech game. Don't do a 5K. Don't be a loser. Drink a fifth, or at least try. Wake up early so you don't die, and pace yourself. I hear that lots of protein is better than lots of carbs. So eat steak for breakfast. Be a good fourth year and show how much you love U.Va. and being a Wahoo. Remember, you're supposed to be able to drink two times your body weight as a Wahoo. So unless you weigh only 50 ounces, the fifth should be easy. Easy as pie.
-- A University Fish
This is to the girl in the gray Saab who ran over my foot as I was crossing University Avenue where it intersects with Newcomb Road on Tuesday. She sucks. First of all, she committed a crime by hitting me and speeding away, even after she saw what she did and saw I was there. I want to press charges, but I couldn't get her license plate because I was knocked down by her speeding car. Clearly this is just another case of "Women drivers, no survivors." And I have the scrapes and bruises to prove it. If I ever see her again, I'll spit on her or run over her with something and see how she likes it.
-- You Should Tell the Police
I think the Delta Sigma "urine and vinegar" crew should be doused with their own medicine and that the Sigma Phi "one step away from man slaughter crew" should enjoy a few months in the appropriately "Spartan" (get it Greek?) accommodations of the local jail. A few months of Natty Light deprivation might cure them of their aggressive tendencies while drunk. Grow up people. Get off your raggedy "fratty" couches and learn how to act in the real world. While you're at it -
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