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Escaping the harsh New Year's cycle of resolution, attempt, failure

I hate New Year's.I know that's a bold statement, but I cannot help it. The holiday has never felt right to me, and up until last week, I could not figure out why.

It's not the celebration hype that bothers me. I'm actually fine with the fact that I spent late-night this year on my back patio with my brother, his friends and some cigars.

It's also not a nostalgia thing. 2003 is free to go; I like even-numbered years better anyways.

And I can admit I do find the "fresh semester" appealing -- I mean you know you love blank notebooks and new pens, the thrill of seeing who might cross your path on the walk to that 12:30 history class in Cabell, or copying your "syllabi" into your calendar so you can determine just how early you can leave for Beach Week.

So you wonder what I find so detestable about New Year's. This year I mulled and pondered and reflected and finally realized my problem: I actually hate the entire month of January.

This revelation dawned on me as I drove around your standard Phoenix suburb and grimaced at the middle-aged soccer moms huffing and puffing on a morning jog, as I waited in line behind series of orders for "sugar-free" and "nonfat" at Starbucks, as I circumvented the Walgreens employee restocking the Nicoderm patches at the drugstore, and as my normally inebriated high school friends favored a Diet Coke over that extra margarita.

I hate the New Year because New Year's resolutions are the devil.

This is going to sound selfish, but resolutions put everyone I know in a bad mood. People formulate a ridiculously restrictive physical or mental goal for themselves, stick to it religiously for about two weeks and then inevitably fail. The resulting provocation of self-loathing thus ruins my entire month as my family, friends and all of America are simply no fun before, during and after the resolution period (which, luckily, rarely extends beyond January because we are such a pathetically weak species it scares me.)

So it's that time again.

Unfortunately, as I sit here berating others for buying into the whole New Year's self-change trend, I am the worst offender. Only, I seem to make secret resolutions year-round, i.e. every Sunday night (read for every class that week, go to the AFC, refrain from certain extracurricular activities

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