I don't stretch before I run. It's one of those things I have always hated to do. I mean, really, if I get up enough energy to get off my butt and stop watching "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" in order to physically torture myself, I am not going to take the time to slow down and stretch. I also am that crazy girl who trudges to the top of a Colorado mountain in order to ski in out of bounds areas, by myself, often after lifts close (yes, I know this is when the Ski Patrol is supposed to look for dead people).
And, unfortunately, I am also the type of girl who once recklessly pursued love whenever I had the chance. Honestly, I like guys. I think they are fun to be around, and only they can really understand my deeply imbedded passion for college football. (Sorry girls, but most of you don't know what the Red River Rivalry is.)
But lately, maybe because I am getting older and about to begin another decade (one that involves paying bills and the beginning of crow's feet), I am starting to fear that my natural abandonment of all things preventative is going to catch up with me one day. Am I destined to pull a muscle, be taken away by an avalanche or, even worse, fall in love with another Mr. Wrong, all because I was too zealous in my decisions?
Human instinct requires us first to survive physically and, second, emotionally. In order to survive from our first day we need people, but these people and relationships are inevitably ones which change and grow. If we were never meant to be hurt, we wouldn't have parents who will one day pass away, friendships which inevitably end when we go to college, or relationships which oftentimes fail.
So if being vulnerable to change is part of what it means to be a person, why are there so many of us out there who run in fear from relationships? Maybe it's because those of us who have been in love probably have also been in line at Ben and Jerry's after the relationship ended.
Having had a broken heart before, I have recently found myself abandoning my typical recklessness and spending a lot of time trying to protect myself from being hurt (and fat) again. I don't want to get attached to anyone out of fear that the attachment will be broken -- thus breaking me. I have found that I try to avoid feeling certain ways about particular guys despite the fact that most of the guys who grab my attention are more like angels than Satan.
I can't help but recall my little brother's first attempt at love and how he said asking a girl to be his girlfriend was the "scariest thing he ever said." Funny, I got more insight from my 12-year-old brother in one sentence than I did from years of dating. Love, summed up, freaks us out.
I wonder, though, if by taking preventative measures, have I been preventing a life -- a life rich with relationships, love and sometimes (okay, most of the time) the possibility of pain which can only strengthen me? Like a person who takes vitamins every day in hopes of not getting sick, am I acting too paranoid -- or taking care of myself? Should I reduce my risk of injury or deal with a broken body after a fall?
I have been in love. I have had my heart broken. I have survived. It is comforting to know that even with a broken heart, I pulled through. I will probably fall in love again, and if it is not the last time, I will be hurt again. Yet, because I have had the experience of crying to "Tiny Dancer" as I drive down Ivy toward comfort, I can also remember the day I woke up and the driving was no longer necessary.
If you haven't had the experience, it may help to know this: Psychologically people are predisposed to being able to overcome any trauma in anywhere from one to 12 months. And on the continuum of potential trauma a human being can experience (we're talking everyone you know in the world disappears at one end and the loss of a pencil in the other), I don't think a break up scores close enough to the former to need more than six months of recuperation.
Needless to say, the beginning may suck, but one day every broken-hearted lover can look at pictures of their ex again and not want to grab chocolate or, my personal favorite, a baseball bat.
So why not try it again?
Not to say that taking a risk on just anyone is a good idea. There are some people who show us right off the bat they are not going to take care of an exposed heart. People whose past behavior makes you nervous, or maybe even nauseous, need to be avoided. Essentially, these are the situations in which the person, not the potential relationship and its commitment, scares you. But if not being in the relationship only causes you to think more about that person, why not give it a try?
Those of us who have been in love know that the good times are exciting, just like jumping off that cliff in Colorado. And if the relationship ends or the Ski Patrol comes looking for us, we know eventually we will be fine.
Maybe we will even become better people -- learning how to love better and how we want to be loved.
Read More
It’s okay not to be okay
By Mai Hukuoka | 2 days agoWhether talking to a friend, a loved one or a professional, it is so necessary, and human, to need more than you can provide for yourself.
Taking a break at Tangerines Kitchen
By Charley Thomas | 4 days agoWhat the restaurant somewhat lacks in ambiance, it compensates for in tasty dishes and prompt service.
Virginia Policy Lab — a hub for student-led policy action
By Katherine Haden | December 9, 2024Students propose their own projects and collaborate with other members to research their issues of interest, brainstorm solutions and write policy proposals.
