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Seven secrets to resume success

I thought my resume was dreamy. I thought my resume would turn all possible employers into Pavlov's dogs who salivated in their corner offices at the slightest scent of its Kinko ink. I thought pickers can't be choosers, and you shouldn't throw stones in glass houses, and why does Michael Jackson claim to sleep on the floor while the children are nestled all tucked in his bed? Use the guest bedroom alibi Michael, you fool.

I got tired of thinking.

Then it came to me, the harrowing realization, clear as perpetual cloudless sky over Neverland Ranch. The resume "Experience" category made me and other innocents appear most qualified to be (earmuffs for the younger audience please)

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