There are very few things in this life that I really can't stand. I've always considered myself a tolerant person, someone who strives to be patient and reasonable and understanding. But on Sunday afternoon, I had to face facts: I just can't stand Duke.
There I was, on my knees in front of the television, screaming for a bunch of players I've never cheered for, begging Julius Hodge and Marcus Melvin to play defense, hoping with every ounce of me that the buzzer would run out before the Wolfpack's luck. It did, and I let out a whoop of joy so loud that my housemates came running. I was dancing with joy over an ACC basketball game when our team is a lousy 3-9 in conference. Duke lost, that's all that mattered.
I can't stand Duke. Sure, they're the team everyone loves to hate, and everyone always hates the guys at the top, but this is a dislike I've been cultivating for four years now, and it's time to let it out.
I can't stand the Duke attitude, the one that J.J. Reddick just oozes as he backs away from his shot, arm still in the air.
I can't stand Duke's coach -- for being so smug, for being so ferret-like and for being so much more successful than Pete Gillen. Do nice guys always have to finish last?
I can't stand the Cameron Crazies. There was a brilliant and hilarious editorial in The Chronicle last week addressed to those who bleed blue in Krzyzewskiville. Matt Sullivan posed the simple question: "Do you do this because you love the team, or because you simply have nothing better to do with your time? I'm afraid it's the latter, and, frankly, it's pathetic." Well said, Matt.
I can't stand the sort of student I associate with Duke -- the viciously smart type who makes you look bad in class and then turns out to be completely inept outside of the classroom. The kind of person who asks you to change the radio station in your own car. To quote Bobby Bouchet's ever-insightful mother, most Dookies I've run into don't have what we call "de social skillz."
Why bring this up now, you ask? Are these just the cynical rantings of a burned-out fourth year who tasted victory against the Blue Devils and wants to whine about the good old days? I'll tell you why: I might never recapture the feeling of beating a ranked Duke basketball team in U-Hall two years in a row again, but I've found a constructive way to deal with my Duke issues -- switch sports.
Take the Virginia women's rugby team -- they played in the inaugural Atlantic Coast Championship in Raleigh recently, and not only did they beat Duke, they beat Duke good. 59-0 good. According to coach Nancy Kechner, they dedicated their win to the men's and women's basketball teams. Then they went on to squash N.C. State and Carolina to take the title.
I watched the Virginia men's hockey team gut it out against Duke a few weeks back, coming from behind to win in the third period, 5-3. Nothing sweeter than watching a Dookies' face when a Virginia defender slams it into the glass. That is for 2003, I thought, and that is for 2004.
Of course, there's always Virginia-Duke football. I would say more, but it's just too easy.
Still like basketball? The Virginia women's basketball team will be playing No. 1 Duke tonight in U-Hall. I'd be surprised if there are enough students there to rush the court if we win, but a win would be worthy of it.
I've tried to hate other ACC teams. Maryland has the worst fans. N.C. State has the worst mascot. (Have you seen the female wolf? The whole 'Pack needs a bath.) Carolina soccer is its own evil empire, and don't even get me started on the ethics in Tallahassee. But when I reach deep down inside myself, I just can't find a shred of affection, even a stale candy heart's worth, for anything and everything Durham.
Momma Bouchet would most certainly agree with me -- when it comes to ACC rivalries, Duke is "da devil"
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