It feels kind of like trying to carry a bowl full of water across an obstacle course, and each time you let any spill, arrows are launched at your head -- the pain is excruciating.
You have, of course, brought this all upon yourself. Your brain could not handle the savage intensity of yesterday's activities; it quit working at about 7:48 p.m., leaving your body to run around out of control, which might explain all the new scars and bruises.
Now the Big Noodle just hates you: He is pounding the drum over and over in your head hoping you will get the picture this time. As you make it to the couch and sit down, you notice another unhappy friend: Your liver is sitting next to you smoking a cigarette stressing the importance of needing to have a serious talk about your goals in life.
"What the hell did I do to myself?" one might ask in this dire circumstance. But the haunting reality is that this is far too familiar to all of us. This is just another day in the life.
Alright, let's just go through it slowly...
You were thinking about staying in last night and doing work (you are really behind), even though it was a Thursday (your favorite) and then what happened? Yes, that's right -- your roommate walks in suggesting that buying MD20/20s and starting to booze at 4 in the afternoon would be a good idea. Sold!
Unfortunately, the entirety of Charlottesville is sold out of Mad Dogs after bid night five days ago, so 40s are obviously the next best choice. Buy the store out of 40s and back home -- begin.
Drinking 40s in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday always leads to trouble, but going to Baja Bean to take tequila shots immediately after finishing the 40 that you decided to drink in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday leads to whole lots of things.
There is something about tequila that is different than all other forms of ethanol. It's got that whole dirty taste about it that makes it necessary to eat a lime afterwards to ward of instantaneous vomiting. Then you get that very warm feeling that starts in your gut and radiates out, turning your face red and raising a smile.
Being tequila drunk is like no other thing on earth. Being gin drunk is passing out and drooling on yourself. Being whiskey drunk is turning very violent and cussing a lot. Scotch drunk is sitting in a chair by a fire. Vodka is turning into a homeless Russian who wanders around in the cold yelling at passersby. Rum is losing your memory and vomiting on your date's feet. Tequila is a damn narcotic. Crazy Mexicans start running around in your blood shooting off their revolvers in the air and screaming in high-pitched voices.
Once this happens, there is no going back, and being at the point of no return at 7 p.m. is a little crazy. Constant alcohol intake becomes necessary to function on any menial level -- but worry not, your speech from here on out will be completely incomprehensible to even the most skilled linguist.
When happy-hour ends at 7 p.m., it is time to go back home and drink even more, maybe watch "American Psycho."
"Why do you have copies of the Style section all over the place? You have a dog? A little chow or something?"
"No Allen."
"Is that a raincoat?"
"Yes it is!"
And you're switching it up now too. Not just glass after glass of beer. No sir! You are a seasoned professional: You are taking shots of 151 and chasing with vodka on the rocks. Now it's a war. You're on a mission to prove something, but you really have no idea to whom, so everyone is now a potential enemy.
Every single girl in plain view has just become that much more attractive, but you have no means of communicating with them, much less standing up straight, so you just continue to haze yourself.
10:30 always seems like the time to start heading to bars, or maybe just think about heading to bars. With the blue light laws quitting our fun at 2 a.m., we need much more consumption before we get thrown out. By the way, why is it so necessary to go to bars? Why must we wait in line to get glared at by someone only to be let inside so we can overpay for under-filled and watered-down drinks?
This is when you start to lose track. Someone ran an eraser over your cranial dry-erase board, and you can only draw a big blank space from the subconscious. Looking through your wallet, you find the receipts. Oh yes, you made it to bars! You spent an exorbitant sum and there is paper proof to prove it, even though you did subtract the tip to find the total in some dyslectic drunken stupor.
Upon calling friends to find out what happened, they inform you that your belligerence has met a new level. You began yelling at the bartender for no apparent reason until the bouncer threw you out into the street. At that point you apparently hung out with another friend who also got kicked out for the next two hours before going home and face planting on the mattress.
You're starting to wish that you had stayed in last night as you find more and more out that you really didn't want to know. The Big Noodle is banging harder now. It probably won't end soon, and you have a class in 45 minutes.
Do we really go to school here? Sometimes I forget.
Read More
It’s okay not to be okay
By Mai Hukuoka | 2 days agoWhether talking to a friend, a loved one or a professional, it is so necessary, and human, to need more than you can provide for yourself.
Taking a break at Tangerines Kitchen
By Charley Thomas | 4 days agoWhat the restaurant somewhat lacks in ambiance, it compensates for in tasty dishes and prompt service.
Virginia Policy Lab — a hub for student-led policy action
By Katherine Haden | December 9, 2024Students propose their own projects and collaborate with other members to research their issues of interest, brainstorm solutions and write policy proposals.
