We're on the verge. The verge of Charlottesville blooming into gorgeous spring radiance. That means warmth, skirts, sandals, skipping class, picnics on the Lawn and general hippie frolicking.
Unfortunately, I hate spring. It is possible I am the first student diagnosed with reverse seasonal affective disorder. It makes sense: Winter is cold and harsh, and it doesn't expect anything from you. Spring is pretty and lovely, and everything is, you know, being born and rejuvenated and blossoming and all that circle of life crap. And it creates such an expectation for things like, you know, sappy stuff like falling in love. It's this constant challenge to be content or something, and I just don't do well with stuff like that. And spring brings out my gruesome gory qualities, like being sentimental and nostalgic. And damn it, I'm a fourth year, and it's so hard not to look back with fond regret to that hellish first year of no sleep, bitter identity struggles and terrible intro classes. And these blue skies and pink flower formations on tree branches are conspiring to make me think I've wasted my four years with my head stuck in books at the library, my ass in library chairs and my legs walking to the library.
Yes, fine, all right, you win! I've wasted my glorious time at this University! But I'm not vexed. I have a plan, a wonderful plan. Here is my obligatory list of things I want to accomplish before I graduate from this fine institution:
1. Read the Dec.
2. Feel myself to be truly part of the Academical Village by going for a run during the part of the day when the most people are on Grounds (say, right before 12 p.m. classes) wearing those adorable classy shorts that have "UVA" slammed onto the rear, therefore doing my magnanimous utmost to make sure everyone on Grounds is not in fact lost or accidentally thinking that they are at JMU or TECH.
3. Buy U.Va. memorabilia that I can proudly display for many years to come on mantles and office desks before I lovingly hand them down as family heirlooms. I propose items like an engraved Jefferson cup, a collection of U.Va. shot classes and the stainless steel flask with the University emblem on it. Classic.
4. Petition for the Sally Brown reading room at Brown College to be officially changed to the Sally Hemmings reading room.
5. Go out to those evening star lab quizzes behind the Astronomy building for ASTR 124 and pretend like I know what I'm doing and "help" the poor first years to "study" and "review" the constellations.
"No, no, that's not the big dipper. No, I'm sorry, you're wrong. That's the Rotunda constellation, named in honor of Thomas Jefferson. Yes, I'm sure."
6. Paint the red construction walls orange and blue. Hello school spirit?
7. Go to Foxfields. I have always wanted to go hunting. Like they do in "Mary Poppins." I hope the foxes are cute with red bushy tails and are friendly and will eat almonds out of my hand! That would be sooo cute.
8. Use a fake ID. I'm 21, but, I mean, I never got to be rebellious!
9. Simply be a "senior" for one day.
10. Be brought up on honor charges so I can see, upfront and personal, the oldest (or something like that) and best (or something like that) self-run student honor system in the world at work.
11. TP a garden. Painting Beta Bridge is so last semester.
12. Recall random unneeded books from Virgo and never pick them up.
13. Go to Student Health and get my innocuous common cold diagnosed as mono, strep throat and as a second trimester pregnancy.
14. Join/start a secret society. Well, since I just made that idea rather public, I guess I mean a semi-secret society. Okay, well what about one of those not really secret societies that meet on the Lawn and pretend they are secret but really aren't. Yeah that's cool. E-mail me if you are interested.
15. Make tapioca pudding from scratch without a recipe next time I have the craving for Pokey sticks at 4:34 am on a Tuesday morning.
16. Screw work and spend quality time with my peers, discussing the really deep, important questions like, "Why am I here?" and "Have you tried the new topping at Arch's?" and fail out of school to show how much I succeeded at really experiencing what college is all about.
17. Care about U.Va. football.
18. Rush.
19. For a whole day be nice to (that includes smiling, chatting, humoring and gratefully accepting any fliers, handouts, prayers, political opinions, rantings) that insane corner of the Lawn.
20. Trick a group of unsuspecting British tourists into thinking I am a U-Guide and give them the highly confidential and controversial historical tour entitled, "Thomas Jefferson, yeah we don't care either."
21. Camp out to volunteer.
22. Go to Starbucks.
23. Do the walk of shame (now, I want a photograph to remember it).
24. Join an a capella group, and if I am rejected by all of them start up my own called: "Captain Heinz and the 57's." Our image will be girly, bohemian, sexy, independent, trendy, yet goth. We will, in short, be lots of fun.
25. Play that most intriguing of party diversions: beer pong.
26. Wear a pink dress to Alderman for a study session.
27. Cure AIDS.
28. Finally watch "Waiting for Guffman."
29. And last but not least: streak Monticello.
Alexandra Valint can be reached at valint@cavalierdaily.com
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