I OWN a cell phone. I like my cell phone. It flips shut, and it has a great game called Push-Push, although I have been stuck on Stage 14 of Push-Push for six months. Everyone should have the pleasure of owning a cell phone -- but only if they know how to use it properly. The polite students here at this fine institution turn into bad-mannered hooligans the minute they find a phone in their hands. Cell phone misconduct needs to be disciplined, and faculty and staff shouldn't be afraid to crack down on it.
First of all, every cell phone needs to be off in class. No, really. Off. Most students choose the "silent" or "vibrate" button instead. You know what happens to phones that are supposedly on "silent?" They ring in the middle of class.
There's nothing worse than having a lecture or an exam interrupted by the synthesized beeping of "In Da Club" while the student responsible sheepishly digs around in a bag, trying to laugh it off before realizing that no one else is laughing. Well, maybe one thing is worse than that -- when the phone goes off again because the student tried to do the "silent" thing.
Surely if you can remember to throw your cell phone in your bag before you leave for class, you can remember to turn it off when you get there. It is utterly disrespectful to leave it on. Professors have every right to kick a student out of class if his or her cell phone rings. Or better yet, the professors should reserve the right to answer the phones themselves.
The same goes for public performances. I've been to many a play or a concert here at the University where it is explicitly requested, prior to the performance, that all cell phones be turned off. Yet inevitably, just as Othello is about to die, or during the dramatic paus in Barber's "Adagio for Strings", an all-too-familiar ring cuts across the room and breaks the spell.
It's really not hard to push the "off" button, especially after there's been a reminder to do so. I think these offenders should be located and escorted out by ushers. Preferably by large, intimidating ushers.
But it's not just an unwelcome ring that marks a cell phone faux pas. There is a time and a place for cell phone usage as well.
Take, for example, Alderman Café. More specifically, take the line to get coffee at Alderman Café. It usually moves pretty quickly -- unless, of course someone at the front of the line is yapping away on their phone and trying to order a mint mocha at the same time.
Well, this is just ridiculous. A simple "I'll call you back" would speed things up and make the rest of us late-running caffeine addicts a whole lot happier. Perhaps there could be an "Order Now, Talk Later" sign hanging in full view. And if the offending person refuses to hang up, no coffee for them.
And speaking of Alderman, the library is no place for chatting either, unless you happen to be on the fourth floor of "Club Clemons." The rest of the library, believe it or not, is generally used for studying. Yet students continually answer their phones, even on the quiet floors. The librarians shouldn't hesitate to throw such delinquents out on their noisy behinds.
Apparently, some students never learned their cell phone manners. This may be understandable, as I learned most etiquette from Sesame Street, and the cellular phone had yet to sweep the nation back in the early '80s. However, students should realize that there does exist a cell phone protocol, and that they would do well to learn it.
More importantly, though, faculty and staff shouldn't be afraid to lay the smackdown on cell phone offenders. Kick them out of class, the library or a performance. Don't give them any coffee. And if all else fails, we should all watch Sesame Street's "Grover's Guide to Good Manners: The Cell Phone Edition."
Kristin Brown's column appears Wednesdays in The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at kbrown@cavalierdaily.com.
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