Having an identity crisis? Don't fret. It's understandable. This is college. An identity crisis is practically inevitable, a right of passage. The forces of peer pressure, the desire to be accepted or to rebel, the lack of parental authority and the increasingly disturbing trend (prepare for obligatory anti-modern-consumerism jab) to define ourselves through the media or commercial means leaves the identity, as a concept, in a pretty poor state.
Not to mention contemporary critical arguments that the individual is dead both in reality and in art, never to return from dusty death and that the future will be nothing more than a host of identical human clones.
Well! With all that said, I have full-heartedly and with gleeful hypocrisy embraced the idea of defining myself through material things, in the Friendster-esque mode of defining myself through a list of favorite books, genres of music, etc. And in a desperate haze to solidify who the hell I actually am (it's fourth-year, and if I haven't "found myself" according to all that psychological college hype, I am going to be pretty pissed off and demand all my tuition back. That IS why I came to school after all), I will forge in the smithy of Hollywood my uncreated identity.
Here, to concretely display who I am is what I consider the top-10 best movies EVER (in my limited, prejudiced, clearly biased and ignorant 21-year-old opinion). Yes, here they are, in no particular order (I was too lazy to think of one), and yes, be sure to note the conspicuous lack of classic movies, foreign language films, art house documentaries and the like. Let's smirk at my obvious unculturedness and get on with it.
1. "Center Stage"
This wonderful "Fame" for our generation has some notoriously bad acting, great dancing, cute boys and "bad" boys, and a wonderfully organic plot in which good, oblivious girl-next-door type gets cute pining good-boy-type. I love it and perhaps have watched it more times than I have watched any other movie. Oh, and there is a killer soundtrack and a fantastic dancing sequence, which includes some funky urban leather-accompanied ballet moves to Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel," a motorcycle on
stage and the most dramatic and unrealistic "I'm going to let my hair down because it's sexy and implies how daring and morally dubious I am," move.
2. "The Last Unicorn"
Unqualifiedly the best animated film ever (second to "Anastasia," which gets a mention simply for showcasing the gorgeous talents of Dimitri, the hottest cartoon character in the history of animation).
3. "Pride and Prejudice"
This BBC and A&E mini-series has been making Jane Austen fans swoon for nearly a good, decorous decade. By far the best adaptation of any novel ever -- and it's five hours long. But for those who have been batting eyes, fainting and acting on the whole like a ridiculous school-girl for Colin Firth long before his Bridget Jones days, there is this added scene (not explicitly written by Austen, although perhaps she would have approved had she seen Mr. Firth) where he takes a little relaxing swim in the disgusting murky pond outside his estate. Also, watch the whole five hours just for the minute-long "staring session" between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. You'll be hooked for sure and probably want to do a lot of romantic suggestive staring in the near future (just warn your friends).
4. "The Three Musketeers"
I've never read the Dumas novel, but I'm sure this film wins for the most humiliating butchering, massacre and simplification of a literary text ever, yet it comes in at number four, which also, coincidentally, happens to be my favorite number. Good old Disney produced adventure-romance type fun, appropriate for the whole family! Meaning lots of revenge, killing, more killing, useless killing, a disturbing scene of dead guards delicately and artfully littered over the banisters of the King's mansion, and the implied hypocrisy of all religious figureheads. Oh, and the interesting use of a chandelier for, oh, guess what, more killing. Oh, and a suicide. Well, don't blame her -- she was about to be executed! Bad, bad, hell-driven villains, a pure yet mischievous (in a way we will forgive) hero, and a pretty lady in waiting who has about two lines in the whole movie, but somehow will fall in love with the hero and win his heart by the end.
All for one, and one for all!
5. "Jesus Christ Superstar"
Long before Mel Gibson came out with this tiny little obscure film (you might have possibly heard about it) called "The Passion of the Christ," it was the early 70s and Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice were long-haired hippies wearing brown plaid pants. They decided to take the ordinary story of the betrayal of our Lord and to see how it would go with some rock music. The best film adaptation of a musical ever. Judas soul-singing and disco-dancing it up (at one point in a white vinyl outfit, surrounded by scantily clad choruses of "angels") and flocks of overly-enthusiastic dancers leaping over the beautiful desert landscapes, sporting 70s hair and chanting their adoration, their confusion, then their hatred (in that order) of the lead vocalist, Jesus Christ. Never again will the disciples be so interesting: "Then when we retired we can write the Gospels, so they'll still talk about us when we've die." Smart move fisherman, smart move.
6. Lord of the Rings trilogy
Enough said.
7. "Untitled"
This unreleased film was made when I was in eighth grade, and starred me, my two younger sisters and my best friend Kathi. Screenplay also written by me. Based on a concept developed by me. Features me in a horrible shade of pink lipstick trying to look 20 years older than I was (I was sure that lipstick was going to help). I played the "mother," whose teenaged daughter runs away by ingeniously escaping out of her bedroom window. Also, in an effort to appear authentic, we made a coffee-looking substance (for the "mother" to drink) out of water, pepper, chocolate syrup and tea. Don't ask why we just couldn't make coffee. Also features a "video montage" of the forlorn teenager's bedroom to the musical styling of TLC's "Waterfalls," and brilliant cinematography of my house's hallway and use of slow motion (which we achieved by having my sister walk really slowly), set location (my backyard) and a witty script which I, with all of my skill, injected brilliant pathos into: "Why did she run away? (in tearful voice, slam head on table, fade to flashback).
8. "Requiem for a Dream"
Made me so terrified of the possibility that my refrigerator would come alive and start manically dancing the tango toward me in a torrid premonition of death that I, in fact, was afraid to open the damn thing. What a perfect diet! Score!
9. "Labyrinth"
David Bowie in sickingly tight black pants, goblins, a worm with a cockney accent ("I said 'ello'"), a bog of eternal stench and strange orange-pink-peach creatures that like to take their heads off and throw them around like soccer balls. Oh, and did I mention they like to eat their eyes ... while singing about it at the same time?
10. Every teen movie ever
For giving me precisely what I expect and want. A little teen angst, a little romance, a little wit (if we're lucky), pretty people, cliché conflicts, fun music and predictable endings. Gotta love it.
So there you go. This list should define who I am. Accurate? Also, we should take into account all the near-winners, all the movies I left off because I didn't want to be pretentious, my obvious exclusion of the black and white, the classic, the silent and such. Well, eh, what can I do. Go find yourself. Make a list.
Alexandra Valint can be reached at valint@cavalierdaily.com
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