A good pair of sunglasses can hide several things: bloodshot eyes, black eyes, glassy eyes and the fact that you are dead. And that lesson was born in the year of the SuperSoaker, 1989, -- by the release of the film "Weekend at Bernie's." Yet unbeknownst to younger generations, "Weekend at Bernie's" was not the Hawaiian shirt parade it seemed.
A controversial flick to say the least, the comedy sparked the great debate that stole the spotlight from the fall of the Berlin Wall, The Exxon Valdez spill and the premiere of the Arsenio Hall Show. "Why," cried the American public, "did not one person on that island catch on that Bernie was dead?"
Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman, if only you knew how many sleepless nights you have caused us. Andrew McCarthy, you'll never know how I waited day by day for the sequel, to see you in all your beachwear glory, so that you would perhaps answer the trivial question that plagued us so.
Yet, how can we make those two scapegoats? In 1989, America was not exactly leading the pack in cerebral functioning. BubbleTape astounded us, the word "duh" had a major role in our vernacular and Milli Vanilli duped us into thinking they were actually singing "Girl You Know It's True" -- an embarrassing moment in history that will never be forgotten.
But America has come along way. Two days ago NASA's robot explorer, Opportunity, found evidence of water on Mars. But will we ever know why the vacationers in "Weekend at Bernie's" did not pull back the wool that covered their eyes and see the truth? Did Screech ever get Lisa Turtle? Can you really go back to the future?
Top 10 signs it's almost Spring Break
10. Most of the girls are already tan.
9. Cavalier Daily Headline reads: "Accident in Slaughter: student flies off elliptical and goes into orbit."
8. Average student anxiety dream morphs from "showing up to class naked," to "showing up to class naked wearing florescent pink Aqua-Socks."
7. Find yourself wasting time reading whacked out mini-dissertation on "Weekend at Bernie's."
6. Started sweating Palmer's Cocoa Oil when Elton Brown committed a traveling violation in the last seconds of the Virginia/Wake Forest game.
5. You hit rock bottom and started watching "I love the 70s."
4. Epiphany: You don't love the 70s, you were an egg.
3. Guys headed for Cancun excitedly anticipate surge of "meat" in their diet.
2. After a not-so-Super Tuesday, Sen. John Edwards will reportedly be heading to Panama City.
1. I like it when you tell me those three little words: Abs of Steel
Disturbing travel products that you can actually buy
4Need some room in you suitcase to bring back cheap rum and other duty free items? Then log onto www.onderwear.com where you can purchase disposable cotton underwear. Choose from briefs or boxers for men and briefs or thongs for women. Toss them away like banana peels, and then log onto PsychTests.com to measure your fear of commitment.
4If you're the active Spring Breaker, perhaps you need some ZipIt Gear socks that consist of a zipper pouch where you can store your room key, driver's license or change. Or perhaps you already have a pair and you're the one who used them to smuggle airplane bottles into Jabberwocky so that now everyone must leave their drinks on a table before they go into the bathroom.
4At last, discrimination of the Tall has ended thanks to the toils of their leading crusader, Ira Goldman. Goldman, a 6'4'' gizmo guru, has now brought more anxiety to airline passengers with his invention -- the Knee Defender. How do you know if you're a victim of the Knee Defender? Well, for starters you can't recline your seat back due to the way the gadget clamps onto the arms of the instigator's tray table. Secondly, people packing the knee defender typically have black eyes after they get the *&%# kicked out of them -- after the plane has taxied and the seatbelt sign has been turned off, of course.
Today's in-flight movie is the 1980 spoof comedy "Airplane."
Randy: "There's been a little problem in the cockpit, and I was..."
Ted Striker: "The cockpit -- what is it?"
Randy: "It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that's not important now."
Read More
Four lessons from my grammas to help you lead the good life
By Grace Scott | YesterdayFollow these four lessons from my grammas to make your life — at college and beyond — as deeply gratifying as theirs have been.
Top 10 ways to do Halloween right
By Sam Saks | YesterdayHere are some of the best ways you can honor ghosts, ghouls and goblins alike and enjoy this Halloween.
Third Year Ceremony honors halfway point for Class of 2026
By Mia Tan | 2 days agoBeyond presenting students with their class rings, the Third Year Ceremony brought together students and families in joyous celebration.
