In approximately 15 days (but who's counting?), hundreds of University students will head to the beach to celebrate the end of classes and the opening of another summer of craziness.
When do they celebrate?
Sometime around May 7th.
Where do they celebrate?
Sketchy hotels in Myrtle Beach.
What do they celebrate?
The end of classes.
How do they celebrate this momentous occasion?
By partaking in various hedonistic activities involving, beer, liquor and the occasional 40 ounce bottle of fun.
Who do they celebrate with?
Their frat brothers, srat sisters, best friends and various sketchy characters they meet on their drunken escapades.
Now that we've gotten the basics out of the way, we can move on to the cool stuff. How can you manage to look stylish when you are partaking in debauchery 24/7 and operating on very little, if any, sleep?
Girls: You want to look cute, but don't really have the time to mull over what to wear.
Do bring two bathing suits. You won't really have time to wash the wine stain out of your only suit.
Don't bring your nicest outfits. Beach Week is basically a week long frat party, complete with beer spills and (sand?) sludge.
Do make sure your bathing suit is flattering. When buying a suit, remember that it will stretch to about half a size bigger when it's wet. Also, suits with higher cut bottoms make your legs look longer, patterned or printed tops maximize a small bust and tons of straps and such seem to make weird areas of your body bulge (so not cool). Also, make sure to tie your straps tight, because you don't want to bear all on the first day of the week!
Don't forget a camera. Even if pictures are upside down or sideways, you will always want to remember those nights you forget.
Do bring some cute stuff for after dark. A lot of designer shows this season, such as Versace and Missoni, include novel ways to wear a cute suit out at night. For example, wear a black bikini top under a black mesh top. You'll not only look city chic, but you'll also be ready for that late night swim with the cute boy you've been eyeing all week.
Don't be obsessive about brushing your hair. How amazing is that beachy-tousled-I-don't-care-because-I'm-so-hot-right-now look?
Do remember that it gets a little cool at night, especially near the water. Bring a fitted hoodie or lightweight fleece to keep from feeling chilly.
Don't think that just because you're hung over, you have to look like death. Put cold tea bags, cucumbers or ice cubes (maybe cold beer cans will work too), on your eyes to depuff and minimize redness. Drink tons of water to hydrate and remember you can stay sober just for a day. That way, you can make fun of all your drunken friends and make up stories about what they did when they ask you once they're sober. Things like, "yeah, you actually did hook up with that guy with the peg leg and missing front tooth! I mean, I didn't think he was that bad..." will definitely fool them.
Do remember to wear stuff on your lips. After all, you may be smooching with that special one-night someone sometime soon, and you wouldn't want chapped lips, would you? Brands like Clinique and Chanel have come out with awesome new lip glosses with built-in SPFs.
Boys have fewer options as far as fashion, which also results in fewer opportunities to make faux pas.
Do remember that taking a dive in the ocean does not constitute a shower.
Don't wear a speedo. Packages belong under Christmas trees, not at the beach.
Do pick out some stylish swimming trunks, as you will be spending a lot of time in them. Think about how many guys will have those A&F ones you've been eyeing, and try to find some that are a little more unique. Remember, hawaiian flowers are not as cool as you think they are.
Don't think that just because you're at Beach Week you can treat every girl you meet like a one night wonder.
Do realize that girls know that you're trying to show off when you walk around without your shirt on all the time. No matter how nice your body is, no one wants it in their face every second of the day.
Hopefully I've enlightened you all with my little list of Do's and Don'ts, but no matter what you wear, remember: Do have fun!
To my lovely readers: Look out for my column next year... see you all in the fall!
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