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'I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.'

Thoughts of a third year, inspired by the patronsaint of college students: Derek Zoolander.

4"I give you, 'The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good.'"

I went to the bookstore to get the books for the classes I'm enrolled in the other day. Five hundred dollars for 12 credits (yeah, it's the minimum -- get off my back). But that's not even extreme, that's about what everyone's paying. I'm seeing people absolutely shocked when they see the total at the cashier: "What? Five hundred dollars for books? How can that be? I already have some books. They're sitting at home. I'll give 'em to you. For free even, I don't need them. How can you charge so much for this stuff when we both know I'll never read it?" It's ridiculous. What ever happened to that 'paperless society' everyone was talking about?

4"Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They're the same face. Doesn't anyone notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills."

Is the facebook still cool? Alright, it never was 'cool', but is it still something to waste time on for no good reason? I feel like at the beginning of the semester no one really has any pressing school work to do, so there's no point in procrastinating with this online fantasy-land. I'm sure once midterms roll around, everyone will be raving about the latest features. "Oh my gosh, Cindy, it makes a map showing the friends who live near you. We so have to have a block party now". Come to think of it, that would be pretty cool.

4"My prostate's flarin' up like a tiki torch"

In accordance with the new fire codes (which I'm convinced were drafted by an evil cabal comprised of the all-powerful lamination and glass-encasing industries), any wall decoration, poster or flyer must be placed behind a fire-proof protective layer. Another option is printing things on fire-proof paper. Which makes me wonder, how can RAs find out if a poster is actually on fire-proof paper? Seems like there's really only one way.

In future news: dorm fires are up 300-fold.

4"But why male models?"

"You serious? I just told you that a moment ago."

I'll admit it, I'm the guy in the discussion section who asks, "So when is our midterm?" right after the TAs had a lengthy debate deciding when to hold it. I'm sorry, but I get easily distracted in class. Let's face it, for 45 of those 50 minutes I'll be doing one of many things to prevent the onset of learning: staring out the window, wondering if I can make the clock run faster through sheer will power or reading some smarmy jackass's Life column.

4"I know! I turned left!"

Last week Vanessa Kerry came to Newcomb Hall as part of the Center for Politics' National Symposium on Youth Civic Engagement. She came to make a stump speech on the current political climate and talked up the failures of President Bush. Now I was very skeptical at the start and didn't want to hear what she had to say, but she ultimately convinced me to change my stance. This November, I'm voting for Vanessa Kerry.

4"Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude."

So how many people knew Billy Zane was in the Back to the Future movies? He played one of Biff/Griff/Jiff's sidekicks in every one. This was news to me. And for those of you keeping count: Yes, out of the two columns I've written this year, I've mentioned BTTF in both of them. Let's see if next week I do it for a third time. If I do, I'm sure the third installment will suck, and probably take place in the Old West for some unknown reason.

4"It's a good thing I don't know too many people who read your little 'Time Magazine.'"

Sometimes I think of these tidbits during a stream of consciousness while in bed. I think it helps me to go to sleep. And if that kid in my psych. class face-down drooling on the Cav Daily is any indication, it looks like it has a similar effect on other people.

4"Age before beauty, goat cheese."

Upperclassmen seem to take great pains in making sure no one thinks they're a first year when they go to eat at O-Hill. At Sunday brunch you'll see third and fourth years sporting "Greeters 2002" or "SpringFest '03" shirts. Anything to say, "No, I am not a first year. I am merely here for the hash browns and greasy sausages."

4"Are you kidding? I shouldn't even be talking about it. It's nowhere near ready."

Over the past week I've found that people are always asking me for little previews of the upcoming article. Not because they enjoy the article, they'd just like to know in advance when to pretend to laugh. I'd like to give it to them, but let's face it, this column is scribbled on the back of Little Johns napkins the night before.

4"You think you're too cool for school. I got a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite ... You aren't."

Dear First Year in my PLIR Lecture,

Straighten your cap, loose the shell necklace, drop your collar and fix the attitude. You have four years to turn yourself into a cocky jerk, don't get ahead of yourself.

Love,

Eric

Eric Cunninham can be reached at cunningham@cavalierdaily.com

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