Sometimes I wish real life mimicked cartoons. That's why I don't carry a wallet. I much prefer the tan sack with a dollar sign on it.
My dream scenario is to walk into discussion without having done the reading for the last three weeks (Mental note: done). Then I start leading the discussion on this topic I know nothing about. The TA stops me and says, "Eric, did you even do the reading?" To which I reply, "No, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night."
Sweet.
Apparently Britney Spears got married in California last weekend. Between this news and J.Lo's marriage cracking the three-month barrier, the two pop divas are in a desperate horse race to announce that they're the first one to have a baby. And of course, by "baby" I mean, "divorce."
So apparently the athletic department has decided to make a Greco-Roman theme of every CavMan episode, where some notable U.Va. celebrity (i.e., Sabato or Schaub) decides the fate of the opposing team's poorly-thought-out mascot (I mean, kangaroos in Ohio? Seriously). For the athletic department's ease of use, I've created a list of acceptable and unacceptable U.Va. personalities I suggest they keep in mind:
Not Acceptable: Any professor, The OC Guy, President Casteen.
Acceptable: O-Hill Card-swiper Dean, Tina Fey, President Casteen (Facebook version), Zombie Thomas Jefferson.
Sunday was national "Talk Like a Pirate Day." Let's just say it sure made church services more interesting. I've never heard prayers that start off with "Arr Father" before.
Did I just make a pirate joke? God, I'm lame.
I'm sure if you're like me, you read the Cav Daily exclusively during class. So right now, as you read this, a mere millimeter away is a decade's worth of Greek symbols painfully carved into desktops. What's the logic behind this feat of etchery? Is this supposed to sway public opinion? "Hmm ... Sigma Nu DOES rule. It says so right here. Perhaps I'll pledge. And now I wish I was in the class of '98. Apparently they rule as well."
Definition of awkward in six easy steps:
1)You're walking from class and see someone you're quasi-friends with walking on the sidewalk towards you.
2)You say, "hey," and do a slight wave hello.
3)They didn't see it.
4)Quickly pull down your hand, look away, pretending it never happened.
5)A split second before passing you, they finally return the "hey."
6)You turn to repeat "hey," now pretending you weren't just pretending it didn't happen.
If there is an easy way to tackle that situation, someone tell me. Preferably, before class lets out.
I haven't done the dishes in three weeks. Sometime at the start of September, I saw the sink full, but just left it there in the hopes that eventually the problem would get so bad someone else in the apartment would take care of it. Unfortunately, we all thought this at the exact same time. So now my apartment-mates and I are in a Cold-War-esque stalemate, hoping the others will break first. No one's bringing it up, merely praying one day we'll come home and it'll be done. Attention Paul and Mark: I've been eating Lucky Charms out of the box for weeks now, and I'll go as long as I have to.
Because the Opinion section of the Cavalier Daily has Letters to the Editor, I feel the Life section should have Letters from Eric. Alright, basically it's an excuse to post letters I wish I had the guts to mail. Or if YOU have a beef with someone, send your letters to Cunningham@cavalierdaily.com
Dear Delorean Motor Company,
Please come back to us. We need more Deloreans in the world. Do you realize how hard it is to find reasonably-priced cars with gull doors? And don't get me started on the flux capacitor.
Adoringly Yours,
Eric
Dear Kid in New Cabell Hall,
It's ok. We've all done it before. So you slipped on the stairs. No one's gonna make fun of you for it. What DOES bother me is that you tried to play it off like it never happened. Don't. Live it, experience it, embrace it. Consider it a rite of passage. And next time use the stairs in the middle of Cabell, they're less worn-down.
Concerned for your safety,
Eric
Dear Scrooge McDuck,
Level with me: I bet jumping into a pile of coins is more painful than you let on. What's your secret?
Awaiting your reply with a tan sack in hand,
Eric
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