Warning: graphic content.
Penises. They spark debate, wonder and give rise to an industry of fitted condoms -- sometimes flavored or varicolored.
But, what's the truth about man's best friend?
The age-old question: does size really matter? According to the Alfred C. Kinsey Institute for Sex Research, the average male is somewhere between 5.5" and 6", and the normal range is 4" to 8" when erect. It appears that in terms of penises, it is not one size fits all. Research suggests that smaller girls prefer smaller penises, so perhaps bigger is not always better.
But say one wanted to enhance his stature? Can it be done?
Despite my gender, I receive a ridiculous number of e-mails that advertise pills, pumps, surgeries and hexes that claim to enlarge penis size in length, girth or both. Do these things really work? The Web site www.altpenis.com says yes. However, if this were the case, wouldn't every man have a super schlong of his own?
If size can't be bought, then maybe it's genetic, which begs the question: "who has the most generous genes?"
We all remember circa fifth grade when we heard that penis size was correlated with the size of a man's foot, hand, nose, height or favorite color.
These are all myths.
So for the size -- challenged it's back to "enhancing what God did (or didn't) give you."
There is a new term I learned on the previously mentioned Web site, called "jelquing." It is an "exercise" that can be done in order to stimulate growth. I'll spare you the details, but it involves the hand encircling the penis, and "milking" it. Call me crazy but the last time I checked that behavior was called -- for lack of a better term -- jacking off. But by all means, go for it! Let me know how it works out for ya.
I suppose one could compare this debate to breast size, except that they are in no way similar. Breast size does not play any part in the man's physical pleasure. Sure, he may get more excited if the girl has a better rack than me, which is the vast majority of the population (HAHA) but that's simply personal preference.
The fact remain: if during sex, the woman is wondering, "Is it inside me yet?" then it may not be much more stimulating than inserting a tampon.
So maybe size does matter.
I'll argue a bit for both sides. On behalf of bigger is better, I pose the question: who really goes to Ultimate Bliss and looks for the smallest vibrator they offer? I sure as hell do not, and on that note, I rest my case.
On behalf of smaller is superior, it is rare to find a woman who actually enjoys sex with a partner with something more than eight inches.
The penis itself is really quite fascinating, perhaps more to females than males. The fact that something comparable to a little squishy water balloon could turn into something so much bigger and harder is truly mesmerizing. I remember the first time I saw a flaccid penis I was shocked that it was that small most of the time. I think I even called it cute and giggled. (He didn't take this as a compliment.)
For those size-challenged boys who manage to convince a member of the opposite sex to meet their member: There is hope.
No matter what size (or shape), your peter is: the condom industry is trying to cater to the variety in sizes. There are 55 different sizes of condoms offered at www.condomania.com. There is a "Fit Kit" that can be downloaded and printed, to aid you in getting the perfect fit. I just would not recommend printing these puppies out at an ITC Lab. With animated characters like The Condom Wizard and Lucy Lube, you are led through questions to find the perfect condom for you and your little (or big) buddy.
Gretchen Zimmerman is a Cavalier Daily sex columnist. She can be reached at gretchen@cavalierdaily.com
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