Friday afternoon around 3 p.m. or so, a friend and I went to the Lucky 7 to buy a 12-pack. Our plans were to watch some big screen television and wait out the torrential rain. When we got to the store, we noticed an unusually large number of people -- particularly males -- entering with abnormally high amounts of drool on their faces.
Silly me, how could I forget? The "Girls of the ACC" Playboy signing was that day!
Now, you may have had a good weekend, but nothing can compare to the fun those three proud U.Va. representatives must have had sitting at the folding table at the Lucky 7.
First, we have the fact that the signing was at the Lucky 7. This is no Borders or Barnes & Noble -- this isn't even Kroger. This is the Lucky 7. Always an adventure when you make a trip through the treacherous path between the two brick walls. Through the glass doors is a 24-hour establishment that is a landmark on the Corner -- a beacon for all those wanting forties, cigarettes and cases.
Second, I noticed the fans that had made the trek to the fine convenient store were not exactly your body-building, BMW-driving, hottie types. They are better classified as your dirty-old-men types, with a few thrill-seeking college boys standing uncomfortably in between them. By thrill-seeking I mean those who aren't afraid of a few venereal diseases.
So I'm sure the Playboy bunnies had an exciting and wholesome afternoon as they signed photographs of their breasts for anyone who came by. Yay boobs!
Meanwhile, the two of us non-nude types continued on our way with our purchased beer and went to unwind a bit. We arrived at our destination, a friend's house -- a male friend's house -- only to find the ACC Playboy issue prominently displayed on the coffee table.
For intellectual curiosity's sake, we two girls decided to flip through and see just how far the co-eds of the ACC would go for a couple thousand dollars and a chance to sign autographs at the Lucky 7.
Wow.
Let me just say that there are many, many attractive females at the University of Virginia, and 99.9 percent of them have never been airbrushed, and -- how can I say this without being mean -- have never felt the need to expose their entire bodies to anyone willing to pay the cover price of a magazine.
One boy I know confided in me that his friend once spooned with one of the three girls. He stood in line with a smile on his face. If nothing else, these girls certainly made the day of any guy they've so much as sneezed on in their lifetime, with the possible exception of their fathers.
Guy 1: "Dude, I got sneezed on by a girl in PLAYBOY."
Guy 2: "I think I saw her one time at a bar."
Guy 1: "Score! We are all such pimps! Let's go find some first-year girls and tell them about how we don't live in dorms!"
Let's not harp on how the word pimp should be eradicated from language, especially as a positive description.
We have mini-celebrities at our school now! If you've ever complained that athletes get too much attention, well they've got nothing on the porn industry. Athletes train hard, work hard and probably spend more time working on their skills than I do watching Family Guy and Super Troopers combined (which is a lot), and they deserve to get a little extra recognition for it.
Take off your shirt, though, and BAM -- everyone will know who you are. Who's the fourth-year class president? Hell if I care, I know girls who were in Playboy!
Would it be awkward going to class and sitting next to a girl who you've seen completely unclothed, yet never met? Will these girls ever have to wait in line at a frat party again? Will high school seniors decide to come here because they think we have the hottest girls? Or will they go to Miami instead because she was hotter? Will life change as we know it?
Whatever high aspirations most people have coming to U.Va, who knew that this kind of opportunity would befall the women of the University? These girls took full advantage of the media-saturated world in which we live, which emphasizes breasts over brains and blondes over brunettes. (Bad call, brunettes totally rock the house. No bias, of course. But seriously, Ashlee Simpson, Demi Moore and me. We're like the three brunette amigos. Not really, but it'd be cool.)
Not to start any social commentary here, because I am better equipped to stick to subjects like beer pong and why the Browns will own every other NFL team this year. But when I want to go into the Lucky 7, I don't want to be surrounded by guys who I know have looked at numerous pages of naked girls. Not that all guys haven't, but it's different when they're standing there holding a beat-up copy of the magazine. Eww.
So what did you do this weekend? Go to some lousy football game? Hang out, fully clothed, and drink with your friends? Catch up on homework or volunteer? Ha, you losers. You missed your chance to disrobe and meet the wonderful men of Charlottesville in the Lucky 7, the Corner's pride and joy. Maybe next time you'll think twice about keeping your shirt on.
Clare can be reached at Ondrey@cavalierdaily.com
Read More
It’s okay not to be okay
By Mai Hukuoka | 2 days agoWhether talking to a friend, a loved one or a professional, it is so necessary, and human, to need more than you can provide for yourself.
Taking a break at Tangerines Kitchen
By Charley Thomas | 4 days agoWhat the restaurant somewhat lacks in ambiance, it compensates for in tasty dishes and prompt service.
Virginia Policy Lab — a hub for student-led policy action
By Katherine Haden | December 9, 2024Students propose their own projects and collaborate with other members to research their issues of interest, brainstorm solutions and write policy proposals.
