Alright, since this weekend is Halloween, we here at ASD -- and by "we" I mean myself and my computer mouse, upon whom I have drawn a face, (the buttons are its eyes!) -- decided to do a Halloween edition. I'm sure this kind of topical dedication will last a few jokes and then I'll wander off into regular run-of-the-mill, useless thoughts.
My friend said the other day that he kind of misses the notion of Halloween as a kid. You know, getting dressed up, wandering around the neighborhood looking for goodies, gorging on them until your body can't physically take it anymore. Wait, don't we already have that? I think it's called "bar-hopping."
With this weekend's costumed festivities fast approaching, I know a lot of you are looking for last minute ideas. Here are a few helpful pointers. Scratch that, I meant to say, "Here are a few 'helpful' pointers:"
Good ideas: Anything that incorporates facebook. Example -- Facebook Thomas Jefferson. Facebook Dave Chappelle. Facebook You. That's right, dress yourself in whatever clothes you were wearing in your facebook picture, and then get a band of your friends to walk around with strings tying themselves to each other, and watch as those around you gaze at the visualization of your social net. Damn, this Web site is seriously melting my brain.
More good ideas: Michael Jackson in "Thriller" (only if accompanied by a boom box all night), Jon Stewart, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, uhh... man this topic is going nowhere. Moral of the story: Eric can't write enough about a single theme to even fill half of a column. Please rename today's article "ASD's Halloween Adequate!"
So this weekend was Parents' Weekend, and third years like myself got their class rings. My original plan was to buy like eight of them as an homage to Mr. T. But when I found out they're a few hundred dollars a pop, that dream was quickly shattered. I pity the fool who wastes thousands of dollars on a joke. I do, I do.
Note to self: Impressions only work in person.
But don't worry -- getting my ring was still fun. Four of my friends and I have been doing the Captain Planet invocation for the past three days. "Earth!"
"Fire!"
"Wind!"
"Water!"
"Heart!"
"GOOOOO PLANET!"
Then nothing happens. It's kind of a let down. Ugh, and don't even get me started on the lameness of "heart."
I wonder what mothballs are made of? I'm gonna guess crushed up moths. It serves as a stern warning to other moths with any big ideas.
What is non-aspirin? How can a company get away with claiming to be the exact opposite of what I want? Non-aspirins, bah! I went to CVS the other day and bought some non-vitamins. Right on the label in tiny print, "It's a sugar pill."
Attention Frigidaire, GE and any other refrigerator manufacturer: Being the culinary master that I am, I like to cook meals for myself instead of hitting up Littlejohn's on a quasi-nightly basis. But most of the time, I'm always missing one ingredient to make something I know how to cook. When you know how to cook only three things, it becomes a bit irritating. Here's where you come in. Invent a refrigerator that "knows" what I've bought and keeps it in some kind of computer file. Then, when I'm hungry, I ask the fridge, "What can I cook with the stuff that I have?" Then the fridge compares my food with a set of recipes it has and gives instructions on how to do it. No joke here, if you did that, I'd devote myself to your company. I could write little childish ad campaigns about Captain Planet's love for Frigidaire or something.
The new Burger King commercial in which a guy wakes up next to a cartoonish figure in full regal clothing is simply awe-inspiring. The Burger King is exactly as I pictured him. May his reign be long and prosperous.
Dear Reader(s),
Between Rathergate, Fox News in general and other media gaffes, the eyes of the student populace have been thrust upon The Cavalier Daily to restore the media to its role as a pillar of truth and responsiveness to the community. As an extension of this belief, next week we'll feature a student-inputted column. All you have to do is send me a topic, and I'll try to tell you the degree to which that topic does or does not rawk, within a 5 percent margin of error. Who else would guarantee you that? It's because I care. And certainly not because I'm lazy and want you to think of topics to write about for me. Certainly not that.
Affectionately yours,
Eric
Eric can be reached at Cunningham@cavalierdaily.com
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