I'm from Texas. I have to remind you of that as often as I can. I have pride, I cannot lie, but when I got off the plane in August and got in my best friend's car to drive down 29 toward school, I let out a huge sigh and said, "It's good to be home." As soon as I unpacked, I was out the door and off to dinner, picking up the C'ville lifestyle again within 10 minutes. Things look a little different, of course, with some of my favorite friends not around because they are abroad or graduated.
But this year more than any other, there's been a different beat in my step -- having nothing to do with my tendency to fall, mind you. Rather, the change is due to the fact that I, like most people over the hill of higher education, feel like I own this place. So, of course this got me thinking about how and why things have changed over the years, especially in regard to my friends, my boys and my general life.
The entirety of first-year relationships can be summed up in one staple item: "First-Year Faces." They are -- with no negative connotation attached -- superficial. You meet so many people within two weeks and then spend the rest of the year trying to remember names, hometowns and room numbers. You may become close to people like your roommate, but let's face it, if you are like most, you're over them and their stuff by the time you leave in May. So, you essentially know a lot of people and a lot of facts about them but probably have no clue who they are or what kind of friend they would be.
Romantically, first years are the hottest commodities on Grounds. The girls are cute, and the guys are objects of desire, especially since Demi Moore has made robbing the cradle cool again. Yet, it seems that romance -- deep, heart-wrenching romance -- isn't necessarily part of the first-year curriculum. The first-year mentality is to try everything out and not settle on anything too quickly. Thus, romance, in the committed sense, is as much an option as bringing your car. Yes, you can get around the system, but it's not likely.
When you come back for your second year that circle of friends starts to get smaller. It's not as easy to hang out with your 12 best friends because chances are you don't all live within a 30-second descent of stairs anymore. Effort has to be made and in the world of I-do-so-much-I-have-no-time-to-shower, you figure out who you really like by midterms. On top of that, the real sides of people start to come out as time and circumstances allow us to be more, well, annoying. Pretty soon, it's not as important to make the rounds at a fraternity and try to have a five-minute conversation with everyone you recognize. Instead, as a second year, you start to be pretty content with a wave or a quick hug from those you know but don't know.
Maybe I'm a little biased, but I believe it is at the start of third year when you can finally roll down 29-South into Charlottesville and feel like you are home again -- despite the fact they closed the Krispy Kreme. (I mean, what?) It's the year where you walk into a classroom or a bar and are no longer nervous or insecure. You know a lot of the older people and soon realize that you are an old person yourself, especially when you roll through first-year dorms and can't figure out why Charlottesville High School is doing a tour, only to realize that these "kids" are first years. (First years, please do not take offense, you just look young; and though you think you don't, just wait 'til you're 20).
Third year is the time when you know who your friends are because two years have gone by, a lot of things have happened and you have bonded over a countless number of kegs, wine bottles and sometimes tears or ice cream. You have traveled to those peoples' hometowns that you couldn't remember for three months of first year, met their parents (and mooched plenty of dinners off of them), and if you are anything like me, have started to see this collegiate haven of ours in a new way.
You are simply comfortable -- comfortable at bars (because now you are actually legal), comfortable in your clubs and Greek houses (because you probably run them) and comfortable in your skin. In fact, maybe it has more to do with growing up than it does with gaining in the ranks of college.
Whatever the reason, after living away from home for two years, spending time abroad and doing, thinking or saying things you naively thought you never would, you start to like the gal or dude you are. And relationships, whether romantic or not, bring you more peace than drama.
Plus, people also seem more open to the idea of dating, possibly because we have sowed our wild oats in our first two years and have a desire to share with someone close to us. Hey, we always said the first two years were for hanging out and making out. Is it now time to get serious?
As for the fourth years, y'all are working toward the new world of bills and taxes, probably nervous, hopefully excited. Romantically, things can get tricky because you start to wonder just how serious you are about the person you've been dating and whether or not you will leave him or her behind just as we have come to do with the hope of Bodo's actually opening on the Corner. On the other hand, the same comfort and joy that the relationship has brought you continues to do so as you spend your last Halloween as a student at U.Va. My only advice or observation would be to live it up.
As for your friends, treasure them and spend as much time as you can watching the "O.C." and eating Arch's. Then plan on a mass exodus to whatever city you can all stand, get apartments together and be prepared to be god parents. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but you get the idea.
Whatever your year may be and wherever you are in your relationships, being back at school and older has only encouraged me when it comes to those friends and romantic relationships which all started with a quick introduction and a subsequent consultation, or consultations, of my first-year face book.
And all I know is that this process is natural, and that it will all happen again as more new cities and new people come in and out of our lives. Still, it's good to know that all of us, even this Texan, with all of her pride and the flag still hanging in her house, has and will find a place, incredible people and a home wherever I go.
CallanBlount can be reached at blount@cavalierdaily.com
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