Last spring, the Cavalier Daily started what the general populace calls "The Sex Section." Having been the "relationship writer" for a semester prior to its creation, I have to say I was relieved.
First of all, I don't want to write about sex. I made it very apparent from the beginning of this column that I would talk about the before and after, but not about what happens between the sheets.
It's not that I think sex is bad, gross or immoral. It's because I have a father who reads my column and a possible political career. Plus, there are things that thousands of strangers (not to mention all the people one does know and who, say, read the column) don't need to know.
And no matter how fictional or ambiguous I can try to be, most readers forget that columnists have a persona and don't always write about their particular life or exact opinions. Thus, I could be deemed a particular kind of girl due to what I write, even if what I write isn't 100 percent reflective of me --s and more often than not, it isn't.
Yet, I have to say that in the realm of relationships, I cannot be completely honest unless I make some mention of sex, or at least what the act of sex can do to the relationship. So, in my typically over-analytical and hopefully sarcastically entertaining reflection, I give you what I have seen and heard to be true.
Speaking of doing it ...
If you choose to let your date see more than your bra, I just want to give you fair warning that the rumors are true according to the various men I have asked.
Ladies, don't have sex on the first date if you want to go on a second or third. And guys, know that if you do have sex on the first date, she's going to want another; and with the liberated calling rules of Generation Y, you may get a lot in the days following.
But beyond that, here's what I've come to understand about the no-sex-on-the-first-date rule: The beginning of relationships, when boiled down and devoid of all the romantic parts, are about power. Someone always has the upper hand, and when he or she does, the other is in a position of vulnerability, need or desire. Though it seems uber-feminist to assert that women have this upper hand, the reality is, most guys don't really exhibit self-control in the realm of lust.
So, if they want that second or third date, women have a better chance if you dangle the bait. And truth is, I know that somewhere in there, guys respect being shot down in this context, too, because it allows for all parties to maintain some element of self-control.
If he/she gives you butterflies, why wait?
I have heard it said, ironically enough, that it's always harder to have sex with someone you adore than someone you don't. Yet, that seems bizarre. One would think you are ready to share an intimate moment with someone you really care about more than you would random chick A from drunken night X.
Yet, it seems that all of us, whether we are virgins or whores, know in our deepest being that sex is special and amazing, an act that is only as great as the person with whom you share it. Thus, it freaks us out when the person is someone special and amazing because in doing it, we've done something huge for the relationship. It's not just a carnal act, it's indescribably more.
Thus, it's no surprise that even in one of the more sexually liberated times history has seen, there are more Madonnas than whores (not that Madonna ... think religion).
So, why not hook it up?
So, being that we care so much, one could say it's implicit that sex is actually a big deal. Somehow we've been coached to think that random hookups are easy and fun, when the reality is most times they end up in an awkward relationship of slight looks and waves across a bar or a painful end to a hopeful relationship.
Sex can get us hooked on one another like no words or other actions can. I guess that's why most religions encourage no sex before marriage -- why let yourself be totally vulnerable without the safety of a guaranteed, emotionally mature relationship? At the same time, most college kids have not or do not follow that code, at least statistically.
Thus, my friends, if there is any advice to give, let's be careful with our hearts. We may think we are more hard core than we actually are and can handle any accidental emotions tied to our Saturday-night love fests, but the reality is a risk.
And as much as I love betting on football and cliff jumping, losing money or breaking a bone isn't that big of a deal when compared to the heartaches we could feel, reputations we could tarnish or relationships we might hinder.
Having worked at "Stuff Magazine" this summer, you would think I am schooled in the art of writing about chicks and casual sex. But truth be told, I am a 20 year old, living with 22 girls, and if I pick up on anything, this sex stuff isn't as easy as everyone is making it seem. Plus, the reality is that the people who read this column or magazines like "Stuff" know and respect in their heart of hearts how complex this action is, either by experience or observation.
So, as much as I agree with Nike and Starsky, if you are going to DO IT, be ready for the effects in whatever relationships you find or will find yourselves in. It ain't easy, even if you are "easy," but nothing in life worth anything is, right?
Callan Blount can be reached at blount@cavalierdaily.com
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