And the only cure ... is more cowbell.
So for those of you living under a rock, this weekend was our last home football game of the season. Sorry fourth years, it's time to pack up the Smirnoff-stained Mincer's tie and enter the world of paying $60 for scalped tickets.
Let's see how long I can keep up a football theme, shall we? Here's to rambling!
I really think the Athletics Department should sell the soundtrack to the football games. I'd carry it around with me all time. I'd like to get adequately psyched up before visiting other people's houses. On second thought, the disappointment from expecting my friends to welcome me into a room cheering and waving foam fingers would probably crush any "Ay-Ay-Ay"-induced pumped-up-edness.
So apparently Miami's mascot is a duck? Seriously? Who invents these? Kangaroos for Akron, a wimpy bird for Tech? Once again, CavMan dominates the realm of the mascot, ruling with an iron fist. America should totally switch over to a thumb-based system of dispensing justice.
Dear people on the first row:
You have a duty. It is your responsibility to start waves. It is your responsibility to get everyone jumping during the one-minute countdown. It is your responsibility to adequately pump up the rest of us. We can see you and the degree to which you are pumped. And if you're too busy trying to get on HooVision, we reserve the right to throw paper airplanes at you. Get your act together. I dream of a day where there will never be a wave-less game.
Death from above,
Eric Cunningham
P.S. If you could send those airplanes down to the field, all of us in the upper rows would appreciate it.
Whenever the opposing team misses a pass or, say, a field goal from point-blank range, part of me wishes the marching band's trombone section would do the old-school cartoon noise, "Waaa-Waaa-Waaa-Waaaaah." Get on the ball guys, then I'll unabashedly support your Pep-Band-crushing ways.
So I hit up a few tailgates before the game. Only in the irresponsible atmosphere of college would mixing alcohol and automobiles be considered a good idea.
To be honest, I was a little upset with the halftime show's musical selection. The Marching Band did a tribute to each of the branches of the Armed Services with a litany of branch-specific patriotic songs. I'm sure I'm not the only one waiting for the Navy and Air Force to adopt "In the Navy" and the Top Gun theme song. Well that's that, I'm gonna have "Danger Zone" stuck in my head for at least a week.
Am I the only one who shouts "Glenn! Glenn, Glenn, Glenn!" during "Eye of the Tiger?" Judging from the confused/weirded-out looks on the faces of my fellow fans, I clearly am. Damn you, television addiction, you've cost me any semblance of popularity yet again.
Next year I'm totally bringing a Slip 'n' Slide to the Hill. You can't always depend on pre-game rain to grant you America's-Funniest-Home-Videos style humor. And yes, in my mind, every time someone hit the ground, it was coupled with a Flintstones-esque sound effect.
Thanks Cavalier football team, for disappointing a record-breaking number of cheering fans. Honestly, I've never been that depressed at a football game since Zoloft Day at Lambo Field. A prescription drug joke? No? Alright, I've clearly exhausted the football humor. Back to my overly-introspective life ...
So I caved to my indie friends' peer pressure and finally bought an iPod. The cool thing about the iPod is the fact that my dream of having my own Family-Guy-esque day-to-day theme music has been fulfilled. Busy days, I'll have "Flight of the Bumblebee." On Halloween, I had "Thriller" on constant loop. Did I do the "Thriller" zombie-hand-dance all day? You bet I did.
But most of the time, I'll choose some sweet mafia movie soundtrack or something to make myself feel cool while walking to class. But then I realize it's pretty ineffective unless you've learned to master the art of slow-motion walking.
Alright it appears that we're approaching the end of the column. Conklin, this looks like it's the third consecutive week without an acebook-fay reference. You thought I could never do it. You owe me five bucks. I rule.
Dear PepsiCo,
I tried your new "Holiday Spice" Pepsi when I went to the Pav the other day. Thank you for creating this new concoction. I've often wondered what a liquefied scented candle would taste like, but thankfully you've solved that little mystery.
Love,
Eric "Who am I kidding, I'm a Pepsi whore" Cunningham
Eric Cunningham can be reached at cunningham@cavalierdaily.com
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