LAST YEAR marked the debut of"Christmas by the numbers." This year, in an effort to be more inclusive, I am proud to present "Chriskwanukah by the Numbers."
1st: Current ranking of "Christmas" on the Lycos Top 50 Searches list after getting trounced throughout the holiday season by "Paris Hilton" last year. This year "Christmas" holds a slim lead over "Clay Aiken," "Tara Reid," "Pamela Anderson" and, of course, "Paris Hilton." In another interesting match-up, "Santa Claus," at No. 26 on the list, is narrowly beating No. 27, Desperate Housewife "Nicolette Sheridan" by a slim margin.
$75 and $95: Respective prices on Amazon.com's apparel department of the Ralph Lauren Pink Pony Jersey Tee and the Lacoste Croc Baseball Tee. Even though the great "Alligator vs. Polo Horse" debate rages on, both make excellent Chriskwanukah gifts. For those on a budget this year, the much-maligned "Abercrombie Moose" offers the Abercrombie Ski Team Tee for only $29.50
65 percent: Though not explicitly holiday-related, this number is the level of student participation needed per class in order to gain access to course evaluation data next semester at www.courseevals.co.nr. The Web site is oddly decorated with pictures of what appear to be the door to a chapel and a stained-glass window of the Virgin Mary. Apparently, StudCo feels that the 65 percent participation level will only be reached with a little divine intervention.
17 percent: Probability, as determined by the National Climatic Data Center, that there will be at least one inch of snow on the ground on Christmas day in the Northern Virginia area. Beating out Lynchburg (13 percent), Richmond (7 percent), Virginia Beach (0 percent) and Norfolk (3 percent), this data demonstrates once again why NoVa is the best Virginia has to offer.
3: The number of people who e-mailed me Tuesday night to inform me that "Our campus is being offered a great holiday deal on pocket digital cameras at below the wholesale price!!!" While I already own a digital camera, I'd like to thank Irwin Glover, Forrest Walsh and Henrietta English for their generous offer. I'd also like to thank Roxanne P. Tomlinson for offering me discount Viagra and Rosie McClendon for offering me something I can't print in this column.
8 billion: Coolness factor of the season's best gift: the Mince Pie USB drive. The device is touted as "the ultimate in yuletide technology that brings together the world's favorite festive food and patented 'no limits' USB technology." If only it weren't an Internet hoax
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