Attention all gentlemen: Do you find yourself missing football season uncontrollably? Feeling a bit whipped after taking your sweetheart out on Valentine's Day? Needing to reassert your manliness?
Well, let me introduce you to the idea of beard growing as sport, and the perfect encapsulation of this idea in the holiday of Beard Fortnight.
It has often been said that February is the slow month of the sports calendar. With the Super Bowl over, spring training barely underway, the NBA still in the middle of its long 82-game season and the NHL season now cancelled, only the stretch run of the college basketball season is especially exciting, but those of us residing in Charlottesville have grown far too accustomed to mid-season slumps for this to even matter.
This year marks the fourth annual celebration of Beard Fortnight, which co-founder and fourth-year student Lee Martin describes as "a celebration of manliness and awesomeness."
From its humble origins in a first-floor Webb dormitory suite to its current status as an "international revolution" (or so says its website, www.beardfortnight.com), Beard Fortnight began as a mere Beard Week intended simply as a fun thing to do. But it soon grew into a more fitting two-week celebration and into an outright revolt of the perceived girliness of Valentine's Day.
"There are some members of the original Beard Week movement who had girlfriends, and Valentine's Day somehow prevented them from joining us," Martin said. "Their girlfriends wouldn't let them grow their beards, and for some reason they listened to them."
Valentine's Day can be highly troublesome for guys who may or may not deem their relationships to be equally serious as their female counterparts. Martin, however, also added that, according to the new, manly terminology, Valentine's Day has been renamed Beard Fortnight's Eve.
This holiday is the perfect venue for guys to rid themselves of the February blues, as it provides competition to see who has the best beard, it inspires a team-like camaraderie among fellow beard-growers and it's very manly.
This year's celebration began with the epic Running of the Beards, akin to the Olympic torch relay, which occurred at midnight marking the beginning of Feb. 15. Fourth-year J.T. Baber, the winner of last year's Best in Beard award, was bestowed the honor of lighting the torch from a grill on the Lawn. The torch relay -- accompanied by several pace cars filming the event and blasting "Eye of the Tiger" on their stereos -- ran past the Rotunda, down the Corner and up 14th St. before it was planted in the front yard of Martin and Baber's house. There it sits, the Eternal Flame of Beard. (Well, actually, the wind keeps blowing it out, so it's become more of a Temporal Flame of Beard. But it's the thought that counts.)
Additional festivities include a rowdy dinner at O-Hill (a reminder of our more baby-faced days of first year), a meal of beer and bratwurst at a German Schnitzelhouse and the culminating event: the Beard Fortnight Feast. At the feast, meat and ale will be served by sassy wenches (for which there was a mock tryout of friends), and two collages will be constructed: the Wall of Shame, featuring such beardless and girly celebrities as Leonardo DiCaprio and Orlando Bloom, and the Wall of Fame, featuring such bearded dignitaries as Mr. T, ZZ Top and most U.S. Presidents before 1900. There will be an honored spot for the patron saint of beard, NBA legend Vlade Divac, who can muster a five o'clock shadow before 10 a.m.
The sport-like competition comes into play with the presentation of awards at the feast, as voted by your bearded peers. The cruel irony is that the judging is done in a manner resembling the most unmanly of sports, figure skating, but alas there is no other viable option.
There's the technical merit aspect of the competition, which is dominated largely by one's genetics, but there is also consideration given to the presentation of the beard. This is where skill and talent come into play, as each bearded competitor is faced with several vexing dilemmas: Let it grow unkempt or keep it tidy? Go for extensive beard coverage or trim and get rid of the unsightliness of a neck or upper-cheek beard?
Among the awards are Best Beard Coverage, Mangiest Beard and the coveted Spirit of Vlade. I for one am hopeful a new category will be created for Beard Most Resembling that of a Leprechaun.
In any event, one thing is abundantly clear: I need a new hobby during this slow sports month of February.
(Disclaimer: Though all are eligible, only males are encouraged to participate.)
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