The time of joyous frolicking on the Myrtle Beach sand, of soaking up UVA (no pun intended) and UVB rays and of getting crunk (yeah!) is upon us. Yes, it's true, Beach Week is coming! In honor of this debaucherous occasion, I have, as I did last year, compiled a list of do's and dangerous don'ts. So read on, and if you have any to add, write me an email and I'll see what I can do...
Do wear a tunic over your swimsuit if you want a cover-up that isn't that fratty beach towel you found on the floor of your hotel room (which you are sharing with 70 people, a three-legged dog, a small hamster, a man named "Doug" and a fun-loving family of four). Tunics are really hot this season, but beware: You can buy ONE and NEVER wear it again after this summer (fine, you can if you really want to). After all, when Old Navy makes a commercial about it, you know it's already over.
Do bring your iPod ... but stow it in a safe place, otherwise the hamster may get to it, or "Doug" might log onto iTunes and buy some sketchy music, like Enya. Speaking of iPods, Mac sells these really cute iPod socks. They're really cute and come in a pack of six for $30. They're little crocheted sock thingies and they come in green, purple, pink, turquoise, grey and orange. They're kind of like little condoms for your pod ... use protection against sand, dust, beer and dirty hands! Awesome.
Do wear anything bohemian. Long, flowy skirts, opera-length necklaces, scarf headbands, gypsy-like leather sandals and lightweight, breezy shirts are just a few of the myriad options. Avoid combining all of the above. If you do, you'll look like a gypsy from "Anastasia" or something. One piece will add bohemian-esque flair to an outfit; a little goes a long way.
If you're feeling too shy for bohemian, do sport something navy-inspired. Navy-and-white or red-and-white striped shirts are great paired with a white pleated skirt or cropped khakis. Remember, though: Don't wear horizontal stripes unless you weigh, like, five pounds, as horizontal stripes tend to make everyone look wider. Navy blue pants, over-sized button closures, anchor-print tees, little khaki skirts, and striped navy blue, white and gold bathing suits are other examples of navy-ish pieces.
Don't wear a T-shirt in the water. Rather than distract from your cellulite, it only draws attention to your insecurities about your body. Besides, everyone'll be too drunk to notice your "thunder-thighs" anyway (at least, for my sake, that's what I'm hoping). Honestly, I've seen people do this on the beach and I bet you have, too. I always wonder, WHY? Why would anyone ever do this? Do they actually think wet, see-through cotton clinging to their body is less dangerous than a little love handle here or there?
Don't bring your Longchamp tote bag to the beach. It will get messed up and, yes, it will conjure up thoughts of walking to Cabell to take a midterm or turn in a paper, and no one wants to be thinking of that as they chug their 40s.
Don't overpack. This is Beach Week, not Fashion Week. Seriously, no one cares if you wear that smocked Juicy Couture cover-up five days in a row. Everyone's more worried about getting over their killer hangover than counting how many times you've recycled an outfit.
As always, do have a raucous time. ...Because your tan may fade, but those memories never will.
Demetra's column runs biweekly on Thursdays. She can be reached at fashion@cavalierdaily.com.
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