Summer Break is only weeks away and, though it may be too early to get excited for a rest, it's never too early to start worrying about transportation.
For many of you, this is not a major concern. Come May 14th, you'll hop in your car or your family's SUV and make the short drive to NoVa or Virginia Beach, perhaps venturing as far as the Northeast if you're really a traveler.
For Westerners like me, a much darker fate awaits. We must attempt the impossible: catching a plane from Charlottesville.
You have two options when it comes to airports: Charlottesville or D.C. Each has its own obstacles. First, advice for the Charlottesville traveler.
Obstacle 1: The Charlottesville cabby.
Unless you've arranged ground transportation with a friend, you will be boarding a C'ville cab, likely with some witty but totally irrelevant phrase on the rear. My personal favorite: "Faulty boomerangs are non-returnable." During the 20-minute ride to the airport, you'll be told any number of stories by your chauffer, ranging from amusing to disturbingly personal. Usually included among these is some explanation for why he is currently a cabbie and his elaborate plans for a post-cabbie future. One particularly ambitious driver gave me his card in case my high school band needed a producer. We've got it handy.
Obstacle 2: The Charlottesville "Airport."
Once you get to the airport, expect a delay. This place is as afraid of clouds as the rest of the state is of snow.
Should your plane arrive, your next concern will be its flightworthiness. Most of the "connector" planes leaving Charlottesville closely resemble the bird Indy and his father used to escape the Nazis in "The Last Crusade." Hold onto your hat.
Yet most of us can't afford the inexplicably high rates of the C'ville airport (my yacht-owning roommate excluded). We'll be faced with an entirely different set of challenges as we struggle to reach a D.C.-area airport.
Obstacle 1: Ground transportation out of C'ville.
You've really got two options here: Greyhound or Amtrak. It's hard to say which is better since "better" is a word rarely associated with either service. Expect delays, and consider yourself lucky if you are not partially absorbed in someone else's fat as you ride.
Obstacle 2: D.C. Airports
The most common choice is Dulles, and if you venture there you might take notice of the monster trucks that transport you from check-in to your gate. Is it just me, or could they have thought of a better way to connect the two buildings?
You may be unfortunate enough to have booked a flight out of Baltimore. If you have, let me offer a word of caution. Not everyone who asks if you need a cab is actually a cabbie. I once rode forty-minutes with a man -- no cab license in sight -- who told me that he spends most of his nights hustling for cash on the Mall, but he had a car for the week so he was giving this a try. Seatbelts!
Obstacle 3: The plane
This one applies to everyone. Standup comedians have exposed nearly every flaw in this system, but I will say a few words.
First, I'm confused about the electronic device issue. If my cell phone could really disrupt operation of the plane, why would there ever be hijackings? All a terrorist cell should need to do is get on T-mobile's family-share plan and dial each other for free during takeoff. "Everybody do what I say or I press 'call'!"
Similarly, how important is the seatbelt? Once, after I suffered a long struggle to fall asleep in order to avoid the in-flight movie ("Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood"), a flight attendant actually woke me and forced me to put the belt on. Look, if this aluminum can plummets from 30,000 feet going 400 mph ground speed, this piece of nylon isn't saving anyone, hun.
Leaving Charlottesville can be quite a challenge. As you in-staters drive home in your comfortable SUVs, affordable thanks to your comfortably low tuition, look to the sky and think of those less fortunate. We'll keep our belts on for ya.
Dan's column runs biweekly on Thursdays. He can be reached at danstrong@cavalierdaily.com.
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