What happens when you have nothing to do all summer? You remember the sweet Jose Diaz-Balart fan club, that's what. This little creation was the brainchild of my oldest brother and his high-school buddies, aimed at celebrating the one-and-only Jose Diaz-Balart, a random local South Florida television anchor. They even had a signed, framed headshot from Jose himself, thanking the group for their support. There was absolutely no reason for the fan club, and I don't even think they ever had meetings. It was just funny at the time, that's all. In randomly thinking of that, I decided to look online to see if I could find some other completely incoherent fan clubs. Here are a few of my favorites, in no particular order:
The Potato Fan Club
The Web site for this club is an absolute must-see. Not only does the homepage consist of a thrilling picture of "Darth Tater" to commemorate Star Wars, but the site also includes a clever twist on the Atari classic "Pong," including, you guessed it, a potato instead of a ball! This site certainly caters to the potato lover in all of us -- two spuds up.
The Mother Nature Fan Club
There is actually a fan club dedicated to celebrating Mother Nature. I like our environment as much as the next guy, but a fan club? All I can think of right now is a bunch of screaming, brace-faced teenagers holding up signs and fainting at the sight of "Mother Nature." For some reason, this is what I envision when I think of fan club members, right or wrong.
The Mario Lopez Fan Club
Anybody who can break into show business playing second fiddle to Mark Paul Gosselar as a jock with a Jheri Curl mullet and achieve fan club status deserves a lot of credit. On that note, anybody who still has a fan club after starring in "Saved by the Bell: The College Years" is downright incredible. All I can say is well done, A.C.
The Meat Loaf Fan Club
After my joyous experience with the potato fan club, I was rather optimistic about this club but also slightly concerned. I wasn't sure if it would be dedicated to the delicious mass of sirloin served in cafeterias across America or the portly singer who captivated us all with "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)." It ended up being the latter, and I have to say the back button on my internet browser has never been clicked with such fury.
The Ashlee Simpson Fan Club
I've got nothing against Ashlee -- I just wanted an excuse to mention the fact that I was among the 70,000 fans at the Orange Bowl who booed her during halftime of the National Championship. I think I might have taken part in the largest collective booing on record, possibly behind Philadelphia's rejection of Santa Claus at Veterans stadium.
The Boba Fett Fan Club
"Our sources indicate that Boba may, or may not, be making an appearance in Star Wars Episode III. What? Boba's not a real person? I've spent the last 20 years of my life working on this club for nothing!!! No!!!" That was the gist of the imaginary responses I received when I had an interview with the president of the club a couple of months ago. He was a really nice fellow.
The Dick Trickle Fan Club
Dick Trickle. This guy is an actual NASCAR driver. There's nothing funny about the guy, just his name, and I'm very immature.
The Mature Fan Club
This might be my favorite. Just take a guess at what it's for. Is it something pornographic like 97 percent of the clubs I found? Nope. Is it a congregation in appreciation of the elderly? Wrong again. This is a club solely for fans of the Backstreet Boys who are over 25 years of age. This makes me wonder, are there any Backstreet Boys fans who are younger than 25? Are there any Backstreet Boys fans at all? I have to say this fan club is Incompleeeeete.
Those were my favorites, and I highly suggest checking them out. Joining them, however, is definitely not recommended except for the Jose Diaz-Balart one -- I'll have to ask my brother if they're still accepting membership applications.
Eric Ast can be reached at ast@cavalierdaily.com
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