Recent high school graduates often find themselves bathing in America's great septic tank of advice, but rarely is someone there to answer the truly important questions about starting college -- like "how is all of this getting into the car?" There are two solutions to this problem: either you bring less stuff or more cars. Most non-polygamist families have a maximum of two parents, limiting the number of vehicles available. That is, unless you're able to think outside the box -- the University Parking and Transportation policy box.
So suppose you see the logic in bringing a car. The University will try to dissuade you using veiled threats sprinkled with bits of propaganda, like this statement found somewhere on the Internet: "The transportation system of buses and trolleys is highly accessible and free to students, so prospectives need not worry about having to leave their cars at home."
This, like most of the fluffy, sugar-coated bait tossed at innocent prospectives, is not exactly true. The word "trolley" should definitely not be plural, and to call University busses "transportation" implies that you will get where you want to go faster than if you had sat at a bus stop and patiently waited for the tectonic plate beneath you to move closer to Barracks Road.
Data suggest that many first years are catching on. There is no survey telling us how many first years drive cars. Therefore, we will need to rely on the 2004 Health Promotion Alcohol Survey, which attempts to quantify the incalculable booze intake of University students.
According to the 2004 survey, 5 percent of first-year students said they had driven drunk while at the University, compared to 23 percent of upperclassmen. This means the first year class has at least 175 drunk drivers, but it's possible that the total number of first year drivers is even higher.
Your parents may tell you to simply ask for rides from upperclassmen. When they do, remind them of the Health Promotion Survey. Should you really risk a 23 percent chance of having a drunk driver?
So the obvious solution is to bring your car. But even if you bring the car, there's no chance that you will be granted a parking pass. If you are rich, as many of you doubtlessly are, you can just leave the car in the Visitors garage for $4 an hour, or $35,000 a year, minus breaks. Otherwise, University parking is off limits unless you want to rattle the University's infamous parking Gestapo.
Finding free parking in Charlottesville is not easy, so this is the part where you get to be creative. A car could be left at nearby Harris Teeter, which is open 24 hours. While "the Teet" explicitly discourages this practice, you could foil them by moving your car every day. This plan, however, would require you to endure the 17 hour round trip on University buses each day, barely leaving time for sleep and class.
The situation might look bleak, but don't give up hope. There remain a few holdout areas of parking freedom. No, I'm not going to name them for you, because I don't want to be held responsible when free parking is finally crushed for good. Since these areas are swarmed mostly by young first years trying to hide their cars, we can just refer to them under the blanket term "Juvenile Parking Areas."
Once you find a JPA, start looking for an unoccupied space. This could take a while, so, if you see a spot, pounce, making sure to leave at least two fingers width of room between yours and the next car's bumper. Next, check the road signs to make sure that where you are parked is in fact a JPA. Parking signs are often hard to decode, but if you see a cryptic looking sign hung with the dismembered remains of what look like parking violators, you'd best find somewhere else. If you're in the clear, pat yourself on the back, for you've won a battle against tyranny and oppression, even if the victory will only last until you have to get back in your car.
Herb Ladley is a Cavalier Daily associate editor. He can be reached at hladley@cavalierdaily.com.
This article was edited to reflect a correction. The author incorrectly stated that Albermale County and the City of Charlottesville prohibited first years from driving in both the county and the City.
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