THIRTY-FOUR years ago next month, my parents and I packed the family station wagon (minivans hadn't been invented yet) and headed down I-95 to college. As the youngest child and the last one out of the nest, I felt as if my parents barely slowed down to disgorge my stuff. There wasn't that much of it -- a one-piece record player and a popcorn popper were the norm for technology in those days -- but of course I was on the third floor so I well remember the stairs. Who knew books and records were so heavy?
If you're still reading this far, you've got to be thinking, "What does someone who went to college 34 years ago have to say that could apply to me?" There are certainly challenges of my college experience -- the intricacies of the card catalogue, for example -- that won't confront you, but there is a surprising timelessness about elements of this transition.
As the station wagon was about to depart, Dad offered advice. I think I still remember it because he distilled his many hopes and wishes into two simple pieces of instruction. First he said, "Daughter," (he always called me daughter when he was laying on something serious), "I want you to count up the number of class meetings you have for each course over the whole semester. Then divide that total number into the amount I'm paying in tuition. If you choose to skip a class, that's the amount of money you might as well put a match to." He went on to say that professors notice who's there and who's not, even in a large class. He told me that even if I was dozing, I'd pick up something by osmosis. That morsel was tempered by his next advice. "Don't be afraid to get a C," he said. "Take something you don't think you'd be good at, do more than just go to class. The grades will work themselves out; it's the whole experience that counts." Following those two pieces of advice fairly closely set the foundation for an incredibly rich experience which in turn led me to make college my life.
In the thirty years since I graduated, all of it spent on college campuses -- where I've worked with thousands of students -- I have gleaned some other tidbits to add to Dad's sage wisdom.
Avoid the curse of unstructured time. You'll be busy, no doubt, but there will be few actual anchors aside from classes. Make some. Having places to be and expectations from others, even if it is just a regular workout buddy, will help you make the most of your time. Sure, watch DVDs and play video games for fun; just be thoughtful about how much time you spend that way.
Recover from perfectionism. Excellence is worth striving for, but perfectionism is toxic. Truth is, we all make mistakes, and they aren't the end of the world. Looking back, nearly everyone finds their most powerful learning experiences come from mistakes. The first "C" you get shouldn't feel like the end of the world; the first group you try out for and don't make shouldn't keep you from taking another swing.
Find a niche, then leave it. The University is a big as you need it to be and as small as you make it. We have almost anything and everything that you might want to study, get involved in, listen to or watch. All those opportunities can be overwhelming, so be sure to focus on one or two and really make them yours. You'll create a comfort zone, and that will help you feel a sense of belonging. On the other hand, don't stay there. After you've found a niche, be ready and willing to take risks and extend yourself beyond it. You'll truly understand the power of our community then.
Answer the question, "Who am I?" The search for self will be a rich part of your college journey. You may have some inkling of a major or even a career, but college is a chance to explore and test out possibilities and passions. You'll begin to define yourself by the company you keep and the ways you spend your time. Do your friends bring out the best in you? Do your classes make you eager to learn more? Are your volunteer involvements meaningful? Use your college experience as an opportunity to reflect upon yourself and clarify who you are.
Risk being a nerd. Ask questions in class. Take a professor out to lunch (school councils may pay for it). Use Arts Dollars. Get to know your RA. Read books that are not assigned. Ask for help. Volunteer to tutor others. Write poetry. If you're not trying to look cool all the time, you can have an extraordinary experience here. It is often true that the people we admire the most are the ones who spend the least time trying to be liked.
It is often said that life is a journey, not a destination. Much the same can be said of the University. There will be unexpected hurdles, a few tedious parts and some real adventure. Know that my colleagues and I are here to be good company for the journey.
Penny Rue is the dean of students.
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