Another year, another move-in day. As I watch all these first years unpack their cars and ready themselves for life as college students, I can't help but fondly recall the day I moved in. What a joy it was to see my fellow classmates for the first time, to warmly greet one of the nation's oldest and finest universities.
Yes, I can see it now, just like it was yesterday. There I was, driving up McCormick Road. Hello, Mr. Jefferson! And hello to -- wait, we're passing Old Dorms. We're turning left on Alderman. We must be heading for New Dorms. Not my first choice, but I can make it work --- we just passed New Dorms! Mom, where are we going? Hair-what? What's Hereford? We turn right on some road no one has ever heard of. Where are we? Is this still Virginia? What happened to all those nifty V's on the road? Up a hill now, and through a seemingly impenetrable forest. Finally we stop at what appears to be some kind of detention facility. What is this place? Where are all the real students? Is this a joke?
It was no joke. I was an unwitting member of Hereford Community, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Try as I might to escape my unfortunate situation, I eventually learned to accept its reality. Denial turned to anger that developed into depression before I finally began to search for ways to cope.
Today, many of you first-year Herefordians are in that first stage. Maybe, like many of my former roommates, you thought air conditioning sounded pretty fancy, so you requested the place, maybe you got a lottery number as bad as mine or maybe God just doesn't like you very much. Whatever the case, you're going to have to find a way to get through this. I've been there, and I'm here to help. I now present to you the top 10 ways to cope with being a first year in Hereford.
10. Take up Dance Dance Revolution. The odds are one of your upperclassman neighbors has a system, even though his room is only five-by-eight.
9. Talk to yourself. One of my hallmates did it constantly, even in the bathroom. Come to think of it, maybe he was talking to something else.
8. Learn to love cattle. The resident advisors in Hereford have the kind of love for their mascot animal that is illegal in most states (but not West Virginia).
7. Take up archery. Those tiny windows are perfect for shooting while maintaining cover.
6. Read that creepy headstone on the pathway between Gooch and Hereford. Nothing makes your walk through a dark wooded path more enjoyable than learning it's also a burial ground!
5. Practice your "this isn't awkward" face in the mirror. You'll need it for all those times you find yourself in a conversation with Physics prof. Lou Bloomfield.
4. Seduce potential mates back to your room with the promise of air conditioning. Leave out all other details.
3. Pray for a hurricane. Hereford actually becomes cool when the rest of Grounds loses power.
2. To feel better about your own situation, make friends with a first year who was placed in the IRC.
1. Drink. A lot.
There you have it. I hope I've helped some of you newcomers. And if none of those suggestions work, try making some friends. Nothing brings people together like the feeling of hopelessness. I met some great people during my time on Mount Hereford. In fact, five of us recovering Herefordians live together this year in party central behind the Corner. We're starting a support group for Hereford victims. If any of you need an escape, feel free to come down to my place on Gordon. Together, we can get through this. Plus, we have HBO.
Dan can be reached at danstrong@cavalierdaily.com.
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